Axalotal's view of the world

Well I’m sitting here trying to think of what to write, I’ll start with the entry title.

Gizmo whom we had to have trimmed because of poo being caught in her fur, and massive knotting can not reach her own but to clean it so if no none else does inevitably stuff builds up and she leaves stains around the house, or on people. Not to mention the smell is now worse than before as it previously was hidden by the fur.

Today was a quite day. I went to bed about 10 am, and got up at 4 pm when the Mormons came to visit. They are an interesting bunch with a very unique view on life and the after life. They are so close to getting it right and at the same time so far. I’m not knocking their beliefs, after all what is important is that it works for you and helps you to find piece and comfort with yourself and life in general.

I have been listing to “the waltz of the flowers” as I write this and I think I know it as another name but I’m not sure.

I have a lot on my mind but nothing wants to come out at this late hour.

Steph is concerned about our dancing abilities for the upcoming social events we have been invited to, and I told her I know how to waltz (I haven’t done it in so long I have forgotten *cries*) and then pointed out that at these peoples events (who are not quite on of the same breeding) probably won’t be much time to waltz, but I pointed out we can adapt it to more bourgeois jungle noise.

Steph keeps asking about marriage. I actually have my dream wedding planned out. *gasps* yes I’m a guy and straight.

I would defiantly hire a wedding planner, and it would be black tie for the reception, I really have to have a chamber orchestra playing throughout dinner and provide for the dancing. There is more but I don’t want to get into all the details.

Part of the dowry is that the bride’s parents pay for the wedding. Well I already know that isn’t going to happen in my case.

Well today a year ago at 10:15 pm my father was pronounced dead. He actually died about 30 minutes earlier but his heard didn’t know to stop beating right away.

Tonight we are going out to dinner to celebrate; just Steph and I. I hope that my father shows up at some point but I probably wouldn’t know if he did or didn’t so I’m not going to hold my breath on that one. Incidentally this was the last restaurant I ever at with my father. It was our favourite one and I haven’t been back since.

I have no idea what I am going to have, all I can say is that there is nothing like the anticipation of a divine meal as that which I will be having in about 12 hours.

Sorry I drifted off for a moment. I was picturing my self waltzing away at hall in Vienna Austria while the orchestra plays on a balcony over looking the dance floor, the dance floor crowded with men in tuxes and ladies in ball gowns.

When is it that the people stopped listening to real music, and not this trash that passes for it today? I can’t even put today’s noise and music in the same sentence without cringing.

I know that there would be very few sad and depressed people. It has been proven that Bach changes a persons electrical currents that surge through there system in an positive way, just as a band like matlica has the opposite effect and actually causes a person to feel miserable.

Of course my theory is that people today (at least the bourgeois, uneducated, cretins) just do not have the attention span, to listen to a 15 minute sonata, nor do they take the time to listen to the music, the subtle changes seem to be lost on them. I don’t blame the people, I blame society for destroying and not giving a chance for the common person to hear, and learn, and appreciate real music. Sadly the same thing has happened with movies. Yea they used to be atrocity acted, and the dialog was predictable and banal but they relied on character building, plots. My how society has fallen the past 200 years or so.

I do know that there are “modern” versions of the classics and various forms of “classical (classical has become a very encompassing term for a variety of music genres)” music which are a good starting point.

Wow I must be tired I just read what I wrote.

Really nothing much exciting happened on Friday. Not much is planed for today other than dinner at Nice Bistro.

Man I have lost all brain foot coordination. I was never outstanding at it, but at least I could move them in the general direction properly.

I have to say that my mom surprised me tonight. A total 180 degree turn from what I was expecting.

She was gracious, entertaining, talkative, as was Doug and we had a great time. They weren’t even miffed that we went to Jacks Fillin Station. Doug even pointed out that he really liked the name.

I finally after almost a year got to try the best chicken wings in the region (won the contest 5 years in a row and going for their 6th this year in September).

I knew going in that I would have to sign a waver to get the “stupid” sauce as they call it. The head chef came out and tried to talk me out of it, and warned me about the possible side effects, and how some people have reacted to it in the past. I have to say that the guy (who’s name I forget now) was hilarious, funny, personable, and defiantly worth going back just to see him. Just before he left he told Steph that if we’re a couple we should be sleeping in separate rooms tonight, and wished her good luck with me and went away laughing.

The wings came and I tired the first two and I heard the guy in the background saying give it a few minutes. Sure enough a few minutes later sure enough there was the start of a slight heating and burning feeling. Then nothing. They reached their potential heat level and well I was disappointed again. THEY WERE THE BEST WINGS I HAVE EVER HAD but the hot sauce wasn’t quite up to what I though it would be. I was disappointed in the heat aspect but not the taste. All in all I know why they are the best wings in the region, and plan on going there many many more times.

There are some pictures of me before, during, and after my wing expedition that I’ll post as soon as I install my camera.

I didn’t get much sleep today, a mere 2 hours so I’m exhausted. I went to bed about 10 am and from about 12:30 on the phone seemed to ring every couple of minutes. It was so annoying, and mostly telemarketers too who can’t even pronounce my name right.

After dinner we were dropped off at Dr. H’s and shortly there after went in. Steph feels better after one visit compared to the multiple times with DM and not achieving anything.

We took a taxi home and got the best cabbie ever. He played music that everyone liked, and talked like a friend, not someone just making small talk.

All in all it was a good day.

I was going to cremate Athena but it cost l00 $ which is ridiculously expensive for a pocket pet so I’m just going to burry her tomorrow and plant a flower on her grave so I know where she is.

Okay I have been not writing about this for the last few days hoping to calm down but know what I haven’t. In fact I am more livid now than when it first transpired.

A little bit of background first so what happened over the past few days makes some sense.

My mother divorced my father and married Doug, but before that was having an affair with Doug behind my fathers back for about two years.

This Saturday which is the 30th of July is the one year anniversary of my father’s death.

Last week I invited my mother out to dinner on Saturday with Steph and I to celebrate my fathers passing. We have had these reservations for close to a month and I do not want to change them as the owners of the restaurant wish to celebrate it with us.

Now the disgusting exploit of the past few days

On Monday my mother called me asking if I still wanted to go out for dinner to celebrate my fathers passing and of course I said yes, that I was.

My mother then said great, and asked if Thursday was good. I said yes, seeing as how I figured my mother wasn’t going to make the 30 minute drive on Saturday to go out for dinner.

My mom then said great, Doug will be coming into town that day as well so the 4 of us can go out and celebrate, and since you’re buying you can pick the restaurant.

With my mouth dragging on the ground I managed to get out an okay and carry on with the rest of the conversation trying to figure out how she had the guts to invite not only herself out, but Doug on my dime, and insultingly bring her husband to her ex-husbands memorial dinner. Near the end of the conversation my mother told me in a somewhat snotty voice that if I couldn’t afford it they could always pay for their own, but if I was paying then I could pick the restaurant.

While yes I am loaded, currently I only receive 1,200 $ a month and can take out of the trust fund up to 2,000 $ unless of an emergency. Somehow dinner just doesn’t qualify as an emergency (at least in my view). Of course my mother is the one in charge of my million dollar trust fund and knows how much I have at any given time.

After the conversation I told Steph what had happened and she became livid, wondering how my mother had so much balls to be insulting, and rude. Not only by inviting herself out to dinner, but bringing her ex-husband with out even asking the son (me) she had with her ex-husband totally disregarding his (my) feelings.

After some ranting and raving I came up with the plan of cooking something for them. I already had 4 bacon wrapped fillet mignion and all the rest of the stuff to cook a gourmet dinner at home.

The next day my mom called me and told me that while that was a good idea cooking for dinner she had some bad news. She said that Doug wouldn’t want to come here because he’s allergic to cats and if I wanted to cancel the dinner I could but they would really like to go out to dinner with us. She then told me that it didn’t have to be at Nice (as in Nice France) Bistro if I couldn’t afford it because I could always take them there when I get my riches, but again said that if I paid for the dinner, I could choose any restaurant I want.

I was feeling even more insulted than before, Now why is she lying to me about the cats? I know that Doug is not allergic to cats. I have offered kittens to them many times and she told me that they couldn’t take them because one of Doug’s children is allergic to them, and that Doug hates cats. I even have asked if he is allergic and I was told no. Steph’s dad who is allergic to cats has visited 4 times, and we have made every effort to de-cat the house. Her dad can only stay for a few hours, before he can’t see or breathe because his allergies are so bad, but at least he makes an effort.

On Wednesday she came to take me to get some frozen food because I have let my SUV to some relatives for the summer since they are in Canada for only a few months of the year. During this trip, she kept asking me if I needed to go to the bank (I owe her some money and have told her repeatedly I will pay her when the bill arrives), and if I had any money on me because she needs money. Then after we got the groceries and were sitting in my driveway she again brought up dinner. First she asked me if I had chosen a restaurant and I said no. Then I was told that if we weren’t going I needed to tell her so that Doug knows whether to come in to work with my mom on Thursday. I told her trying to sound as polite as possible but I know frustrating and anger came through my voice that we were still going out and because I’m paying I get to pick the restaurant. She also again brought up Nice Bistro and how that would be a good place to go and if we did go there she guesses that her and Doug could pay for their own.

That was the last time I talked to her. I’m surprised she hasn’t called me today and it is nearly 8 pm.

I want to cancel the dinner, or make them pay for their own. My mother however will use that against me later on.

She will tell you she won’t hold it against me and will deny pretty much everything in this email, but my mother is good at getting away with this gold digging, putting me down, and later denying it so that I look like an ungrateful son bull shit.

It amazes me how she can get away with it time and time again and if I ever call her on it, I’m self centered, rude, inconsiderate, mean, ungrateful… well you get the idea. She also will always find a way to twist it around to make me feel guilty later and end up getting something.

Well I have learned her scam, and know the game now. I have in fact chosen a restaurant. I had within hours of finding out she didn’t want to come here. At first I wanted to take her to McDonalds but I wouldn’t be able to withstand the food so I picked a place I have always wanted to try which while on the same par as McDonalds is supposed to have some of the best chicken wings in the region. At least tomorrow night I’ll be enjoying my meal. I can’t wait to see their faces when I tell them.

If they give me any shit I’ll just acknowledge her opinion, and then remind her that she said I could pick the restaurant. If she pipes up again, I’ll tell her fine we won’t go there, I’ll cook dinner and if you don’t want to come well I guess we won’t be eating together. Any more problems and I’ll just walk away after politely telling her how rude she has been.

Of course if we don’t go to dinner I’ll never hear the end of it, I’ll be belittled, and made to feel bad because of all the times they invited me out to dinner (the exception being that I never invited myself or told them they were paying), and times we had dinner at their place (again, I was always invited and never invited myself or anyone else to their place without asking them).

I would love to ask them if they treat Doug’s kids this way, or if it’s because they know how much money I have and how I refuse to eat no where but the finest restaurants.

I had a therapeutic breakthrough a few months ago and continue to progress daily. All these repressed memories of my mother when I was a child (when I would have seen my mother as an all knowing and wise goddess) and believing everything your mother says, as well as the negative ways I was treated, and belittled, and told what to do and how to act which was not me at the time nor is it now.

She seems to attempt to stifle any happiness and personal growth I am doing as an adult through the same psychologically damaging but undetectable means unless you are a keen observer and have a grasp of the inner workings of the human mind.

I’m convinced that my mother loves me as a son and hates me as a person.