Tuesday, September 13, 2005
I managed to do it, then I puked
Well I managed to finally poke my finger. I then promptly threw up and wasn’t able to get the blood sample. I guess it’s a step in the right direction.
I’m not sure if I fee better or worse about the situation now.
I haven’t tired it again since I hurled. I’ll probably try later tonight.
I was told try for 10 min, and if I can’t do it go back to it in a little while when I’ve calmed down.
This whole situation just makes me feel like such a wimp, and loser.
I did come to realize though that this does show how strong my self preservation instincts are and that should count for something.
I’m not sure if I fee better or worse about the situation now.
I haven’t tired it again since I hurled. I’ll probably try later tonight.
I was told try for 10 min, and if I can’t do it go back to it in a little while when I’ve calmed down.
This whole situation just makes me feel like such a wimp, and loser.
I did come to realize though that this does show how strong my self preservation instincts are and that should count for something.
About yesterday and today
About yesterday and today
11-09-05
Yesterday was interesting.
I didn't want to get up at nine because I went to bed around six.
I did manage to get up and put the beans on.
While I was doing that Steph took off to the clinic to get checked out.
I think now that she knows there is a clinic there she will be there at least once every two months.
She got home at just the right time to leave for the Mormon Church.
We made it there just as it was starting.
I don't know. Actually I do. It is like every other religion with its own twists.
I don't feel anything special about it. Steph on the other hand seems to be more into it at this point.
We headed home and decided to look for Christmas vacations next year.
We started thinking Paris, and ended up wanting to go to Vienna.
Sadly the cheapest place to go to is Bermuda but it probably is the most expensive once we get there.
We looked at last minute deals and found one for a week in Paris for 2,600 $.
Then we had the idea that if we took the money out of the trust fund and then paid it back with interest (10 % or so) in the long run we'd be better off since I wouldn't make that much with the allotment in the bank.
It's nice to be able to give yourself a loan.
My mom had to approve it and while she thinks it's a god idea she thinks we need to plan it better.
In reality I think my mom was just being my mom and didn't want Steph and I to go.
Although my mom had a few good points. The biggest one was that Steph shouldn't work less than a month and take eight days off to go on vacation.
Even though Steph is part time and has a sheet she fills out a sheet when she is available.
Anyhow the trust fund will be fully set up in the next couple of weeks and I should be here to sign papers and all that exciting stuff.
We headed back to the church for a baptism. It was much different than I though it would be.
Steph ate a bunch of things there that the doctor told her she shouldn’t be eating. Then later complained her tummy was sore.
She has an interview to work at McDonalds as well. It is this Thursday. That is the same night we are meeting the bishop. At this point I think Steph is more interested in it than I am.
I ended up getting my glucometer tonight and well I can’t bring myself to poke my finger.
Steph is really freaking out about how sick she is.
Elder E left to go home today and we had lunch together. I cooked him hosin pork with stir fried vegetables and steamed rice. It turned out really well. Better than I though. I’m glad it did. We all got a little teary eyed at the end. I meant to give him a Canadian tie and forgot. I should mail that out to him tomorrow.
I know how childish and irrational I’m being but that doesn’t help.
I should go exercise and go to bed. It is 4:15 am on the 13th.
I’ll probably wait and have my mom poke me the first time. Not that I trust her any more than I trust myself but Steph seems to be way to eager to inflict pain on me and kind of freaks me out.
My mom’s poked me before so I know she can do it.
11-09-05
Yesterday was interesting.
I didn't want to get up at nine because I went to bed around six.
I did manage to get up and put the beans on.
While I was doing that Steph took off to the clinic to get checked out.
I think now that she knows there is a clinic there she will be there at least once every two months.
She got home at just the right time to leave for the Mormon Church.
We made it there just as it was starting.
I don't know. Actually I do. It is like every other religion with its own twists.
I don't feel anything special about it. Steph on the other hand seems to be more into it at this point.
We headed home and decided to look for Christmas vacations next year.
We started thinking Paris, and ended up wanting to go to Vienna.
Sadly the cheapest place to go to is Bermuda but it probably is the most expensive once we get there.
We looked at last minute deals and found one for a week in Paris for 2,600 $.
Then we had the idea that if we took the money out of the trust fund and then paid it back with interest (10 % or so) in the long run we'd be better off since I wouldn't make that much with the allotment in the bank.
It's nice to be able to give yourself a loan.
My mom had to approve it and while she thinks it's a god idea she thinks we need to plan it better.
In reality I think my mom was just being my mom and didn't want Steph and I to go.
Although my mom had a few good points. The biggest one was that Steph shouldn't work less than a month and take eight days off to go on vacation.
Even though Steph is part time and has a sheet she fills out a sheet when she is available.
Anyhow the trust fund will be fully set up in the next couple of weeks and I should be here to sign papers and all that exciting stuff.
We headed back to the church for a baptism. It was much different than I though it would be.
Steph ate a bunch of things there that the doctor told her she shouldn’t be eating. Then later complained her tummy was sore.
She has an interview to work at McDonalds as well. It is this Thursday. That is the same night we are meeting the bishop. At this point I think Steph is more interested in it than I am.
I ended up getting my glucometer tonight and well I can’t bring myself to poke my finger.
Steph is really freaking out about how sick she is.
Elder E left to go home today and we had lunch together. I cooked him hosin pork with stir fried vegetables and steamed rice. It turned out really well. Better than I though. I’m glad it did. We all got a little teary eyed at the end. I meant to give him a Canadian tie and forgot. I should mail that out to him tomorrow.
I know how childish and irrational I’m being but that doesn’t help.
I should go exercise and go to bed. It is 4:15 am on the 13th.
I’ll probably wait and have my mom poke me the first time. Not that I trust her any more than I trust myself but Steph seems to be way to eager to inflict pain on me and kind of freaks me out.
My mom’s poked me before so I know she can do it.
This is what scares me
This is what scares me.
I have been sitting here trying to poke my finger since this afternoon and I just can’t. Whenever I go to push the button I freeze up, get all faint and feel like I’m going to throw up. I just can’t inflict damage on my self no matter how small the prick.
What scares me is that I was put on medication once for months. This medication made me (and I actually did) cut myself just like a depressed teenager.
That is how badly that medication messed me up. And people wonder what is wrong with the youth today. Take a look at what they are putting in their systems.
I have been sitting here trying to poke my finger since this afternoon and I just can’t. Whenever I go to push the button I freeze up, get all faint and feel like I’m going to throw up. I just can’t inflict damage on my self no matter how small the prick.
What scares me is that I was put on medication once for months. This medication made me (and I actually did) cut myself just like a depressed teenager.
That is how badly that medication messed me up. And people wonder what is wrong with the youth today. Take a look at what they are putting in their systems.
I just cant pull the Trigger
I just can’t pull the trigger
I got my glucometer today. It’s a device that checked blood sugar levels.
I haven’t used it yet because I can’t pull the trigger on the little poker thing and put a tiny little pin prick in my finger tip.
How sad is that? I feel like such a wuss every time I get ready and on the count of three pull away.
I got my glucometer today. It’s a device that checked blood sugar levels.
I haven’t used it yet because I can’t pull the trigger on the little poker thing and put a tiny little pin prick in my finger tip.
How sad is that? I feel like such a wuss every time I get ready and on the count of three pull away.
