Friday, May 20, 2005

 

My Game - I need your help fellow ODers

Okay this is my game: (please leave a note at my opendiary entry if you can help thanks)

To call someone in every province, territory, and state in North America. I haven’t given it a time limit but I do want to see how quickly I can do it in. The catch is that I can’t know the people before the start of this month (personally) so I have to get all the numbers through the net. I would really love it if I could do this through the wonderful people here at opendiary.com.

I would love your help if you are able to. Please let me know. I guarantee you total privacy. I won’t give out your number, name or any identifying information on the net.

I am stetting this to private notes so you can leave me a message confidentially or you can email me at axalotal@excite.com if you wish.

I’m starting the calls on the first of June.

So far I have the following places lined up

Alberta
Missouri

One offered in Australia unfortunately it’s outside the game area and well it would cost me money. I may take her up on it just to say I’ve called there. The joy of this game is that I can call anywhere in North America 24/7 for free (well not free but it’s included in my regular phone bill LOL you know the drill)

Oh the things you do with too much time on your hands LOL.

Thanks for your help!

 

Daily audio clip updated

I have updated my daily audio and video blog and for the first time since it’s inception posted an audio clip. It’s St. Louis Blues by: The original Dixieland jazz band (1921). Enjoy and as always there is a link to the song if you like it and wish to download it. It along with all my media on the site is public domain so feel free to take what you like.

 

If you could remove one trait from your significant other or yourself, what would it be? - OD Theme of the week question

I know what trait by want to remove.
Given the way I feel lately, this is a great theme of the week.
I was giving the theme a lot of thought earlier in the week, it just hit me right now what I want to change.
The one trait that I want to remove is my "doing things for everyone else" look on life.
When mean is that I really try to make other people happy and forget about what makes me happy. It's gone so out of control the only remember who I am, or what makes me happy anymore.
I don't even know how to go about figuring that shit out anymore.

 

I think big, I act big, or I don’t do it at all.

I can never do anything small


I don’t know why but I can never stay interested in a small idea, or finish something small. A good example is what has transpired the last few days.

I am going to revamp my degu cage a bit. Add some toys and a few touch ups. Well that’s fine but I have now been working on all night the degu spa as well.

So I went from getting a few things like a new wheel to well I’ll show pictures of it when it’s built but this is what I have so far.

A huge (not sure on the size yet) open play pen which a bath house, a little play hide out castle thing, a massive climbing area, a big long dirt pit so they can dig and tunnel, a nice little lake for them to drink out of and play in, some unique places to get different types of food.

It’s going to be gigantic; I have no idea where I’m going to be able to put it. I’m going to link it with tubes so that they can just run out of their main cage and into the spa.

All this because I want them to have some cool toys and lots of room.

It shouldn’t cost a whole lot to make, just need to figure it out and find the parts. This is a good thing for me to do, it occupies my time, makes me think and learn how to construct and helps with my learning disabilities.

Steph didn’t seem overly impressed with my idea of making a spa for the degus. I’m pretty sure there aren’t many who will be. But it’s my life, my degus, my idea!

I can’t do small ideas, only big ones.

I think big, I act big, or I don’t do it at all.

 

alone and thinking they had privacy mr corgan and mr skunkers decided to experament.  Posted by Hello

 

outside maple leaf gardens the day it closed. A sad day in history Posted by Hello

 

inside Maple Leaf Gardnes the day it closed. A really sad day in history Posted by Hello

 

me in kindergarden. Think you can pick me put? Posted by Hello

 

Our old guina pig skunkers Posted by Hello

Thursday, May 19, 2005

 

I feel so lost

I feel so lost and I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t even explain it.

I have always felt that the majority of my life was a lie. Now what was left and what I was clinging on to is nothing but me seeing what I wanted to and being totally blind, caught in a web of lies and self deceit.

I look around at everything and shake my head. Nothing seems right.

My pets, my friends, my girlfriend, none of it seems for lack of a better word correct.

I am so miserable and spent the bulk of my life doing things to make others happy, to make sure there is a status quo or impress people who I don’t even care about because that’s what is expected of me.

I seriously hate my life and everything in it. I need to start over from the very start. I wish I could just walk away from everything, wipe the slate clean and be me.

That would be great but I don’t even know who “me” is anymore.

It’s no ones fault but mine that I’m unhappy and not doing anything about it. I just don’t know what would make me happy. I have more money than I need, and that doesn’t do anything to put a smile on my face it only complicates things even more.

I am the world’s greatest magician. I have built up such an illusion of happiness and a life yet look behind and you see it is nothing but an extremely well constructed Hollywood set which can be used and rearranged to seem perfect again and again no matter how you arrange it.

I don’t even know where to begin anew. I need to get out of where I am, just throw everything out but what good would that do since I don’t know what I want to replace it with?

My plan was to stay here, not complain suck it up and die. I didn’t plan on being so miserable for another 20 years or so.

I can’t even get my thoughts together to get down what I’m trying to say this is how off I’ve become mentally. I’m so blaw and feel so like shit that I can’t do what I do great write. Fuck that was bad English.

I can’t even think of what I want to say, I don’t even know what’s wrong. That’s not true I do.

I just don’t want to admit the problems to myself and I feel like such a dumb ass.

I don’t know who I am. What I am (okay smartasses I know I’m male and human) or why I’m here. I feel I have no purpose, reason or reason for being.

I just am. Since I just am, I have been doing things I didn’t necessarily want to do and get things in my life I didn’t really want.

More importantly I need to know who I am before I can do anything. Without knowing who I am how do I know what I want, what I need.

Until I know that I don’t know where I’m going how can I be expected to pack for the trip?

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

 

I feel so run down today

I'll know what it is today, I just didn't want to get out of bed or do anything. I feel really run down and blah.

My allergies are bothering me slightly but not that that actually. So I don't think it's that.

Thankfully with my lack of energy I don't have to go degu shopping today since Steph wants to go with me on Saturday.

I think that means that I'm not going to take the video I wanted to of the degus today, or change their cage. I'll wait until the weekend to do it

I feel so miserable right now it’s 8;42 and I think I’m going to go to bed by 9 and if I”m lucky not get up until Friday or Saturday.

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

Lookin out the back door of her home Posted by Hello

 

one of the degu twins in thier new home Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

my degus Posted by Hello

 

There they are in thier first home before I got them their huge mansion. Posted by Hello

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