Wednesday, September 28, 2005
I miss her so much it hurts
Athena has been out of the house for over a day and passed on for about 20 hours now and I am devastated now if not more than I was even a few hours ago.
I miss her so much, I feel so lonely with her not pestering me, or lying beside me. She always had to be by my side. Right now she would be bothering me to play fetch or annoying me in some other way to take my mind off what’s troubling me. The problem is that she is no longer here to do that.
Right now is when she would be at her prime. Steph is asleep, the other cats are nowhere around, and Athena and I would hang out all night. I know she would have no problem pulling me back from my tortured heart and grief stricken soul.
She was so smart and you could sometimes see her trying to figure out an idea with her facial expressions. She knew just how to approach me and get me to smile, even knew that her annoyances were.
Something I have left out is that about two weeks ago I stepped on her foot and I assumed that she wasn’t walking much because I had hurt it, again I didn’t take her to the vet when I though I should have.
I can’t believe how lonely I feel with 3 cats and a girlfriend, a family that loves me, and all sorts of friends.
I can’t believe how empty it is without her here. It is as if the whole aura of the house has changed. I know it has, after all this house for nearly 3 years revolved around her. She was the only cat who got along with all the other ones.
Athena had such a presence about her. Everyone loved her; even people I know who hate cats said she was really amazing.
I found some more pictures of her but I can’t bare to look at her right now, I just break down sobbing for hours at a time.
I am struggling so hard now just to stay sane. It doesn’t help that I currently have no one to talk to, and no Athena to play fetch or cheer me up.
I still can’t help but think that if I had gotten her to the vet sooner she would have been okay. I know that I will never know, but I do know that I didn’t try, nor did I pay attention or think about her until it was obviously too late. I failed her when she really needed me.
I get her ashes back in about a week. I can’t wait to bring her back home. It won’t be the same but at least she will be home where she belongs.
I’m also crushed because I was really hoping to bring her home today and right now be spending time with her, even if it was laying on the floor next to her all day. Because I just found out I had diabetes at about the same time Athena got sick I didn’t pay her the attention she needed or give her the care I knew a week ago if not longer that she needed.
I miss her so much and I want her back right now.
If you go to my blog (the big box thing at the top) there are a few pictures of Athena not currently in my OD.
I miss her so much, I feel so lonely with her not pestering me, or lying beside me. She always had to be by my side. Right now she would be bothering me to play fetch or annoying me in some other way to take my mind off what’s troubling me. The problem is that she is no longer here to do that.
Right now is when she would be at her prime. Steph is asleep, the other cats are nowhere around, and Athena and I would hang out all night. I know she would have no problem pulling me back from my tortured heart and grief stricken soul.
She was so smart and you could sometimes see her trying to figure out an idea with her facial expressions. She knew just how to approach me and get me to smile, even knew that her annoyances were.
Something I have left out is that about two weeks ago I stepped on her foot and I assumed that she wasn’t walking much because I had hurt it, again I didn’t take her to the vet when I though I should have.
I can’t believe how lonely I feel with 3 cats and a girlfriend, a family that loves me, and all sorts of friends.
I can’t believe how empty it is without her here. It is as if the whole aura of the house has changed. I know it has, after all this house for nearly 3 years revolved around her. She was the only cat who got along with all the other ones.
Athena had such a presence about her. Everyone loved her; even people I know who hate cats said she was really amazing.
I found some more pictures of her but I can’t bare to look at her right now, I just break down sobbing for hours at a time.
I am struggling so hard now just to stay sane. It doesn’t help that I currently have no one to talk to, and no Athena to play fetch or cheer me up.
I still can’t help but think that if I had gotten her to the vet sooner she would have been okay. I know that I will never know, but I do know that I didn’t try, nor did I pay attention or think about her until it was obviously too late. I failed her when she really needed me.
I get her ashes back in about a week. I can’t wait to bring her back home. It won’t be the same but at least she will be home where she belongs.
I’m also crushed because I was really hoping to bring her home today and right now be spending time with her, even if it was laying on the floor next to her all day. Because I just found out I had diabetes at about the same time Athena got sick I didn’t pay her the attention she needed or give her the care I knew a week ago if not longer that she needed.
I miss her so much and I want her back right now.
If you go to my blog (the big box thing at the top) there are a few pictures of Athena not currently in my OD.
