Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Athena is dying
We took Athena to the vets this morning and of course sensing she was really bad I was prepared for the worst. It wasn’t until I heard it from the vet I realised how real a possibility it was.
It turns out that her liver has totally shut down. Thankfully there is no real sign of cancer in the liver itself.
We are still waiting for one test to come back (the most important one) to see if she has feline leukemia. If she does then I have no choice to put her down. If she doesn’t have feline leukemia then I have a very tough choice to make.
As it stands right now Athena has about a 40 % chance of recovery, of course I think that number is high because of the way we received it. Steph asked and then gave the number of 40 % not allowing the vet to say what she wanted to say.
The hard part is that treatment will cost about 2,000 $ plus the nearly 700 $ to get this far.
Sadly I feel in my gut that she is going to be untreatable which makes the decision easy for me. Not one that I want to make either. I am so afraid that I have to put her down.
The real only good news I have at this point is that Athena is a very strong fighter and if I do go ahead with treatment I think she will beat the odds. I can get a 2,000 $ loan to pay for the treatments
Athena is not just a cat to me; she has been my best friend since I got her, my confidant, as close to a soul mate as one can get with an animal. I have such a mental and spiritual bonding with her it is just amazing and yet indescribable. I have never had it with any other animal in my life.
It has taken me a good 2 hours to write this because I can’t stop crying uncontrollably.
When my father died I wasn’t this bad, of course I knew with him there was nothing I could have done. That made it easier to accept than having the questions:
Why didn’t I get her tested when I got her
Why didn’t I take her to the vet sooner
Why did I skip her annual exam
How come I never picked up on it sooner
I’m sure someone as self punishing as I am can come up with more given time and a clear mind.
Being the grim reaper that I am has already picked the death sentence; Thursday just before we go away that way I won’t be coming back to the house with one less cat for a few days.
I just don’t know. That’s what it boils down to, is not knowing and having to make a decision that will effect no only myself, but my other 3 cats, and Athena for the rest of our lives.
I wish there was a right and a wrong answer here but there isn’t. There is only the what “if’s” those dreadful, pustule mental questions that eat at your soul. The ones that will haunt me for the rest of my life, especially if Athena is treatable and I decide not to.
It turns out that her liver has totally shut down. Thankfully there is no real sign of cancer in the liver itself.
We are still waiting for one test to come back (the most important one) to see if she has feline leukemia. If she does then I have no choice to put her down. If she doesn’t have feline leukemia then I have a very tough choice to make.
As it stands right now Athena has about a 40 % chance of recovery, of course I think that number is high because of the way we received it. Steph asked and then gave the number of 40 % not allowing the vet to say what she wanted to say.
The hard part is that treatment will cost about 2,000 $ plus the nearly 700 $ to get this far.
Sadly I feel in my gut that she is going to be untreatable which makes the decision easy for me. Not one that I want to make either. I am so afraid that I have to put her down.
The real only good news I have at this point is that Athena is a very strong fighter and if I do go ahead with treatment I think she will beat the odds. I can get a 2,000 $ loan to pay for the treatments
Athena is not just a cat to me; she has been my best friend since I got her, my confidant, as close to a soul mate as one can get with an animal. I have such a mental and spiritual bonding with her it is just amazing and yet indescribable. I have never had it with any other animal in my life.
It has taken me a good 2 hours to write this because I can’t stop crying uncontrollably.
When my father died I wasn’t this bad, of course I knew with him there was nothing I could have done. That made it easier to accept than having the questions:
Why didn’t I get her tested when I got her
Why didn’t I take her to the vet sooner
Why did I skip her annual exam
How come I never picked up on it sooner
I’m sure someone as self punishing as I am can come up with more given time and a clear mind.
Being the grim reaper that I am has already picked the death sentence; Thursday just before we go away that way I won’t be coming back to the house with one less cat for a few days.
I just don’t know. That’s what it boils down to, is not knowing and having to make a decision that will effect no only myself, but my other 3 cats, and Athena for the rest of our lives.
I wish there was a right and a wrong answer here but there isn’t. There is only the what “if’s” those dreadful, pustule mental questions that eat at your soul. The ones that will haunt me for the rest of my life, especially if Athena is treatable and I decide not to.
