Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Athena died at 10:24 am 27/09/05
Born November 2002
Died 27 of September 2005 at 10:24 am
It is with a great sadness that I have to write this entry. Athena passed away this morning. I was hoping to get a couple of days but the vet called panicked at 9 am saying that she wasn’t sure if Athena would even make it through the morning, defiantly not the day.
I showed up and was escorted right away to her, and she didn’t look good. I got the run down from the vet but don’t remember it because I was crying so hard.
Athena looked worse than yesterday and finally got up and tried to get up and out of the cage. I wish I had taken her in my arms and never let her go but instead I just tried to keep her from getting out of the cage.
She let out a horrific meow that didn’t sound like her at all and then laid back down. I kept petting her and crying. At one point I stuck my head close to hers and she gave me a little kiss (actually just rubbed her nose against me but I know what she was trying to do) and then turned so that she wasn’t facing me any more.
The vet came in and explained the procedure. I was petting her the whole time as she fell asleep and up to and even after the vet said that her heart had stopped. I covered her with a blanket and then just left the room; I didn’t want to be around her.
Now I want to go back and never leave her.
She was without a doubt the best thing in my life bar none. She could always cheer me up, make me smile, even when she pestered the shit out of me begging for food or trampling over me.
No matter how blue or upset I was she would find a mouse for me to throw and somehow even though I didn’t want to do that it always made me feel better. She would always have to be in the same room as I was.
I still remember when she had her kittens she came and woke me up and if the fist one didn’t get stuck she would have given birth right on my legs. She let me carry them for her and place them in her nest.
It was as if she was a human child and I was her parent. She seemed to look up to me, and trust me no matter what was happening. I feel like I betrayed that trust today and by not taking better care of her sooner.
The vet said that even if we had come in a month ago there is no telling if she would have taken the treatment.
I have never loved anyone more than I have her. We had some special bond that was indescribable.
I can’t help but feel that I let her down and that her death was my fault in a way. I noticed a change in her about a month ago. I let it linger and fester and get worse. If her disease was caught early (hepatitis) it could have been cured. I will always be plagued with the question as to why I was so slow to take her to the vets.
Even so much as 5 days ago (or last Monday for sure) her liver wasn’t working properly but it had not shut down, she was not so dehydrated as to do damage to her other vital organs, her blood was not toxic enough to effect her brain and other organs. She had a very good chance for survival.
I blame myself because I didn’t take the action when I knew I should have for whatever reason. I don’t know if she would have been saved but I do know that I would have tried my best.
Athena,
You looked so depressed today so I decided to help you pass on comfortably. I really wanted you to make a recovery, even a temporary one so that the last time we spent together would be fun and joys, not like it was today.
I am very sorry for pushing you away when you were coming to me in you’re hour of need. I hope you can forgive me. I didn’t want to hurt you physically and I know I hurt you emotionally and left you feeling alone. You weren’t. I have loved you from the moment I got you almost 3 years ago. You have been and were the best thing in my life. You gave me so much joy and happiness even when you were being a pain in my ass. You always knew how to cheer me up and make me happy when I was sad.
I didn’t mean to leave you suffering so long with out attention. I will never know if seeing a vet a week ago or even before would have saved you and that question will haunt me for a very long time. I never meant to leave you suffering like that. I am truthfully sorry. Please forgive me for not being there when you needed me most.
I wish I knew the connection you and I shared. It was something so magickal and special and I hope I never have it again so that it is just ours. The one thing that will always make you stand out from any other pet I have ever and will ever have.
I hope that I was able to be some comfort for you in your final hour. I only wish I could have been there all night with you. I didn’t want to leave you alone and did so only hoping that you would feel better.
You will never ever be forgotten and I can not wait to see you again. It will make me so happy again. I think you know how devastated and heart broken I am. I have never been this upset about anything in my life.
You were more than a cat to me, you were my best friend, my soul mate.
I love you Athena and I know you’re resting in peace now. While it saddens me you are no longer here with me I am glad you are no longer suffering. We all miss you and love you very much!
Died 27 of September 2005 at 10:24 am
It is with a great sadness that I have to write this entry. Athena passed away this morning. I was hoping to get a couple of days but the vet called panicked at 9 am saying that she wasn’t sure if Athena would even make it through the morning, defiantly not the day.
I showed up and was escorted right away to her, and she didn’t look good. I got the run down from the vet but don’t remember it because I was crying so hard.
Athena looked worse than yesterday and finally got up and tried to get up and out of the cage. I wish I had taken her in my arms and never let her go but instead I just tried to keep her from getting out of the cage.
She let out a horrific meow that didn’t sound like her at all and then laid back down. I kept petting her and crying. At one point I stuck my head close to hers and she gave me a little kiss (actually just rubbed her nose against me but I know what she was trying to do) and then turned so that she wasn’t facing me any more.
The vet came in and explained the procedure. I was petting her the whole time as she fell asleep and up to and even after the vet said that her heart had stopped. I covered her with a blanket and then just left the room; I didn’t want to be around her.
Now I want to go back and never leave her.
She was without a doubt the best thing in my life bar none. She could always cheer me up, make me smile, even when she pestered the shit out of me begging for food or trampling over me.
No matter how blue or upset I was she would find a mouse for me to throw and somehow even though I didn’t want to do that it always made me feel better. She would always have to be in the same room as I was.
I still remember when she had her kittens she came and woke me up and if the fist one didn’t get stuck she would have given birth right on my legs. She let me carry them for her and place them in her nest.
It was as if she was a human child and I was her parent. She seemed to look up to me, and trust me no matter what was happening. I feel like I betrayed that trust today and by not taking better care of her sooner.
The vet said that even if we had come in a month ago there is no telling if she would have taken the treatment.
I have never loved anyone more than I have her. We had some special bond that was indescribable.
I can’t help but feel that I let her down and that her death was my fault in a way. I noticed a change in her about a month ago. I let it linger and fester and get worse. If her disease was caught early (hepatitis) it could have been cured. I will always be plagued with the question as to why I was so slow to take her to the vets.
Even so much as 5 days ago (or last Monday for sure) her liver wasn’t working properly but it had not shut down, she was not so dehydrated as to do damage to her other vital organs, her blood was not toxic enough to effect her brain and other organs. She had a very good chance for survival.
I blame myself because I didn’t take the action when I knew I should have for whatever reason. I don’t know if she would have been saved but I do know that I would have tried my best.
Athena,
You looked so depressed today so I decided to help you pass on comfortably. I really wanted you to make a recovery, even a temporary one so that the last time we spent together would be fun and joys, not like it was today.
I am very sorry for pushing you away when you were coming to me in you’re hour of need. I hope you can forgive me. I didn’t want to hurt you physically and I know I hurt you emotionally and left you feeling alone. You weren’t. I have loved you from the moment I got you almost 3 years ago. You have been and were the best thing in my life. You gave me so much joy and happiness even when you were being a pain in my ass. You always knew how to cheer me up and make me happy when I was sad.
I didn’t mean to leave you suffering so long with out attention. I will never know if seeing a vet a week ago or even before would have saved you and that question will haunt me for a very long time. I never meant to leave you suffering like that. I am truthfully sorry. Please forgive me for not being there when you needed me most.
I wish I knew the connection you and I shared. It was something so magickal and special and I hope I never have it again so that it is just ours. The one thing that will always make you stand out from any other pet I have ever and will ever have.
I hope that I was able to be some comfort for you in your final hour. I only wish I could have been there all night with you. I didn’t want to leave you alone and did so only hoping that you would feel better.
You will never ever be forgotten and I can not wait to see you again. It will make me so happy again. I think you know how devastated and heart broken I am. I have never been this upset about anything in my life.
You were more than a cat to me, you were my best friend, my soul mate.
I love you Athena and I know you’re resting in peace now. While it saddens me you are no longer here with me I am glad you are no longer suffering. We all miss you and love you very much!
