Sunday, June 19, 2005
First father’s day without my father
I was for some reason under the impression that fathers day was last Friday and had my own private little thing, however I was wrong. I always forget that it is on a Sunday.
My mom today when I saw her asked if it was going to be odd or sad on father’s day.
You know for a few moments I shed some hidden tears and thought that yea it’s going to be hard.
Then I realized that it won’t be that hard. After all look at where my father is. He’s on the other side, which really isn’t that far. It’s not like I’ve never seen him or spoken to him since he died last July. It’s not like he abandoned me or forgot about me. He’s come to visit me in my dreams many times to let me know he’s okay, alive and well.
I guess I just have a different concept of death than most people. I take strength at times like this in my spirituality and beliefs.
I take comfort in knowing that while he is dead physically, now more than ever he is a free to do whatever the hell he wants sprit.
All I really have of him are some photos I’m not fully sure about, and some faded memories but really that’s all anyone has of anyone else. The only difference is that we whom are alive make more memories.
I still remember his last few hours on earth. For the first time in months he was speaking coherently, telling me about the fishing trip he was planning to go on in a little while. I didn’t realize he was being serious.
He’s back home, where I want to be, with him. However I still have many years left here to do whatever the fuck it is that I have to do.
Because of him I can pursue my dreams and goals without worry. I’ve taken almost a year off from doing what I want to do, to screw my head on as it were. Things are coming together and in a few months I embark back on the trail I was blazing for myself.
Happy Fathers Day dad! I love you and miss you even though I know you are a thought away.
My mom today when I saw her asked if it was going to be odd or sad on father’s day.
You know for a few moments I shed some hidden tears and thought that yea it’s going to be hard.
Then I realized that it won’t be that hard. After all look at where my father is. He’s on the other side, which really isn’t that far. It’s not like I’ve never seen him or spoken to him since he died last July. It’s not like he abandoned me or forgot about me. He’s come to visit me in my dreams many times to let me know he’s okay, alive and well.
I guess I just have a different concept of death than most people. I take strength at times like this in my spirituality and beliefs.
I take comfort in knowing that while he is dead physically, now more than ever he is a free to do whatever the hell he wants sprit.
All I really have of him are some photos I’m not fully sure about, and some faded memories but really that’s all anyone has of anyone else. The only difference is that we whom are alive make more memories.
I still remember his last few hours on earth. For the first time in months he was speaking coherently, telling me about the fishing trip he was planning to go on in a little while. I didn’t realize he was being serious.
He’s back home, where I want to be, with him. However I still have many years left here to do whatever the fuck it is that I have to do.
Because of him I can pursue my dreams and goals without worry. I’ve taken almost a year off from doing what I want to do, to screw my head on as it were. Things are coming together and in a few months I embark back on the trail I was blazing for myself.
Happy Fathers Day dad! I love you and miss you even though I know you are a thought away.
