Axalotal's view of the world

Happy Thanksgiving (The Canadian version)

2005-10-14T23:52:00.000-04:00

9/10/05

Well here I am at Steph uncle Rob (Steph's dad's brothers) house and it has been a blast.

I wasn't feeling great and unsure how I'd feel while I was here but really other than a few coughs, chest blaws I feel great.

We got picked up and on the car ride down I was felling a little shy and awkward, by the end of the night I felt like a member of the family.

Dinner was great; I'm amazed how great a cook Steph's aunt is

Shortly after dinner I had a great smoke session (cigars) with her uncle.

He was so easy, and I think we have a lot in common. I'm not talking about life but belief and outlook on life.

He was been through a lot in the last few years and you can tell that the struggle has made him a better person.

It was great to have a cigar; it has been a long time.

I'm not sure why Steph parents have suggested that Steph not call them. They are great people.

I got a new jerk sauce recipe from aunt L.

I had a great time tonight and hopefully I can repay them with a delicious meal of my own when my kitchen is finally finished.

Steph aunt for some reason felt compelled to tell us what channel Sex TV is.

I got to meet Steph's famous Grandma. She was just as good in person as she was on the phone. She is really a crazy awesome person.

The two kids are great too; both are smart, funny, and intelligent.

Lastly their dog Marley is just adorable. He is part poodle part some other small dog.

He is just so cute and thinks he's human. He is very arguably one of the best dogs I have ever seen, and a total attention whore.

I'm felling a lot better today but still the odd chill and snotty nose, but other than a cough when I laugh I feel almost normal.

Well I should probably head to bed.

Another funny thing was Uncle Robert calling me Tim. It reminded me of my alter ego - Timothy Ruden Dooley III.

Athena is back home with us

2005-10-14T23:51:00.000-04:00

8-10-05

We got Athena's ashes and paw print today.

It was a rather sad moment and while I didn't cry I was close to.

I went to take pictures but my camera batteries died before I could.

I still have to fire her paw print and draw on it with her name and stuff.

Yay Athena is back home with us!!

I'm starting to feel a little better; my temp this morning was 87.5 which is almost normal.

My ears are still really bothering me, and I can add cranberry juice to the list of things I can eat very small amounts of.

I hate being sick, and Steph told me that I am the grumpiest patient she has ever had.

I pointed out that she doesn't wake up her clients at work to ask them if her shit is normal or if she has legionnaire’s disease.

I still don't feel like doing much other than sleeping. I'm going to take a nap.
.

With neither Steph or I being artists, I'm wondering what to do with the paw print.

I'm thinking just put a hole in it and when it is done use a stencil to put her name and date.

I am going to put it on her urn, and then perhaps at Christmas on our tree but probably not.

I'm feeling a little more mentally better and a lot more physically better.

Still a wonderful snotty nose, sore head and upper chest, throat, eyes but I think my fever is now totally gone.

A day or two more I think yay!

Thankfully I'll be able to watch the leaf game tonight but I probably won't be exercising like I want/need to.

Fever of 101 Ferenheight

2005-10-14T23:46:00.000-04:00

7-10-05

Well I have been sick for more than a full day now and the last temp reading was 101 F.

I don't want to dwell on it so I'll write on other things.

I can't wait for my new palm, I'll be able to surf the net from up here while I'm sick in bed.

Steph has set a date to become baptized a Mormon. I really didn't think she wanted too, and really think that she gave into pressure and smooth talking.

I never will be one simply because there are a few core issues I just can’t see their view on. Wow good English.

I challenged her on a few religious issues and she seemed hesitant to say yes. She just seems to think it is a giant social club.

Her period is gone.

Did you know that I love cognac and cigars two things I can no longer really have.

I think that diabetic ice cream is better than regular ice cram and it makes my throat feel good.

We went and saw Steph's Dr the other day and I'm convinced he's sexist.

Steph went three times in 6 weeks and was dismissed each time.

I went last time and he didn't pay attention to her at all, and did everything I requested and more, even requested emergency tests.

We haven't heard back yet, and see her doctor on October Wednesday.

Her Dr also handed all the test reqresuicions to me and not her.

Steph is doing a little better now. She can not be alone for too long or she gets scared and panics.

She also is able to go do things on her own again but tends to panic a little.

As long as she is on her clananzapanza she is okay and not nearly as obsessive about her body. Hopefully in a while we can get her off it all together.

I finally broke down and bought Pandora tomorrow. It is quite a fun game and nowhere nearly as hard as stolen which is another really fun but impossible game.

Run, Running, Ran

2005-10-05T23:51:00.000-04:00

2-10-05

Today was the picton marathon and it went fairly well. The two teams of family members that were entered did well.

The one team finished 17 th out of 40 something teams and the other one 31 or something like that.

I have already decided that I am going to get a new palm pilot that is wi-fi ready and give this one to Steph since she has an MP3 player.

Today was quite a fun day. I got to see the winner at the 35 km part and he seemed to be on cruse control with 2nd place a good 15 min behind him, and 3rd another 10 past that.

I got all sorts of good pictures last night and a few more today. I even got a video of the test crashing of some Lego planes.

Steph had a few bad moments today which weren’t pleasant and rather annoying.

I had a thought that I should have taken some of Athena's DNA so that I could clone a new one.

I'm still crying over her, and wonder how the 3 girls were this weekend. First time they were home without her.

My blood sugar was higher than I would have liked today but I expected it to be up there given the way I was eating, but I also know that this weekend won't affect me at all, it was even in the health range a few times.

I could write more but I'm tired so I'm off to bed and if I wake up and am bored I'll write some more before I head home tomorrow morning. I'm leaving a lot out!

I still cry over her

2005-10-05T23:46:00.000-04:00

1-10-05

My real entry for the day is somewhere below my self pitting rant.

I'm still crying over Athena's death and it still hurts more than I could imagine.

I remember when I had to put Izzy down I wasn't that upset because it was the right thing to do. If anything I was mad at myself because with her I wanted too long and she was really suffering. At 19 years old though I knew there was nothing a vet could do.

Athena on the other hand was 2 years and 10 months old. I noticed about a month before we had to put her down that she was loosing weight.

Even if I brought her to the vet 3 or 4 days earlier there could have been treatment options.

But for some dumb poor excuse reason I had to wait and even though I know she may never have recovered at least I could have said I tried.

I remember paying 15,000 $ when my dad was sick and I knew treatment would never cure him.

We tried with my dad knowing no matter what we did he would die.

I can't say the same for Athena or I wouldn't be this way.

The other thing that I hate having done to her was leaving her alone at the vets overnight while she was suffering and needed me. I really wanted to be with her in her final hours, not just minutes.

The only thing I am glad about is that I had no problems making the tough decision, even though I didn't want to.

I don't know how much suffering it alleviated though and I wish since I had to make that choice that I had made it earlier so she wasn't suffering at all.

REAL ENTRY NOW

It's 6 am and I can't sleep. I've been wide awake since 2 am and bored out of my mind.

I don't want to get up incase I wake up our hosts. It is amazing how productive I have been though thanks to my palm pilot.

So far I have
input some receipts into quicken
made a good portion of Octobers meal plan
Calculated my monthly bike data
calculated my daily blood sugar for the last 11 days
created and input the data for a "daily" average blood sugar chart which will calculate my monthly, and bi-monthly average blood sugars
created a nifty yearly calendar to keep my monthly blood sugar averages
started writing this entry
played some cheesy palm pilot games

Not bad for a few hours of not being able to sleep.

I always seem to do best with 2 four hour naps during the day than one long 8 hour sleep.

I'm really excited about today. Actually I'm not but trying to get that way to take my mind off last week.

Steph still has the squirts and has had them now for a good 3 to 4 weeks. I'm not that worried and really think that they will clear up once she gets a little more distressed. In any case I'm going to go to the Dr with her when she goes next week.

Her Dr is either an idiot or just incompetent. I haven't fully figured it out yet.

I get to see most of my relatives today and tomorrow which is always fun.

My mom’s family is pretty tight.

Oh I found out last night that Steph's uncles friend knows my uncle Chris, and my uncle Rob.

I'm wondering if it is too early to get up and shower, oh some one's up now and in the shower.

I never know what to write about in my OD.

Steph's uncle showed us this really cool Homer Simpson car thing that talks based on how the car is moving. It was really funny.

Well it is now 11:37 pm and I've been at my aunts since about 3 this afternoon.

Marg picked us up at Kevin’s along with Grandma and we went on a drive of the marathon route and saw where all the OPP team challengers were going to be exchanging ankle bracelets.

I spent some time with Maura and Joey, before hanging out with the adults for a while.

I took a few pictures and discovered during a tour of the renovations one of Athena's relatives.

When I first saw her I cried. This one looked so much like her. She had a very similar personality as well and she loved me and wouldn't leave my side.

I showed her to Steph and Steph cried too.

Now I have the squirts damnit. My tummy is revolting from something.

Anyhow, I saw a lot of my relatives, and a bunch of my uncle’s side some of whom I probably haven't seen in 15 years or so.

We all ate a lot and then after dinner Joey seemed mesmerized by what I was saying about the new world order.

I talked to a few more of my relatives, and then hung out in Matt's room for an hour or so with our latest gambling idea.

We are going to build Lego vehicles and race them off the roof and who ever gets the farthest will win.

We used to race grapes in the microwave.

Steph had a few rather bad moments. One she ended up crying in my aunts arms. She gave Steph the same advice as everyone else has.

Today though it was that she wasn't making saliva and had a hard time swallowing.

All in all it was a really good day.

Especially when I had two naps in Kevin’s massager chair. It is one of these full body reclining heated massage chairs. Very relaxing. I wish I was in it right now.

Truth is she saved my life

2005-10-05T23:40:00.000-04:00

30-9-05

Something I can say about Athena is that in July 2003 Athena saved my life.

I was severally depressed and about to commit suicide but one of the things stopping me was not wanting to leave Athena, and I didn't want to kill her along with myself.

Daminit, when it rains it pours. I just broke my palm pilot. I went to go plug in my headphones into my palm pilot and something snapped inside and now I have no sound at all.

This is a major piss off because now I can't watch movies or listen to music.

Steph thankfully seemed to make a full and rapid recovery from her medical paranoia. She isn't 100 percent yet but much better than she has been this whole month.

Well we got up this morning and headed into town on a tip that Stephen Harper was to be in town.

It wasn't hard to know where he was with the RCMP plain clothed bodyguard showing off his weapon.

I also managed to get a belt that is way too big, and 68 $ worth of socks.

Then on to picton. We hung out at Steph's uncles store for a while and ooed and awed over some of the things.

I showed great restraint by not buying anything.

Then we went to her uncle, met a couple of their friends, had a great dinner, talked a while and then off to bed which is where I lay now.

My blood sugar was actually perfect (6.6) when I checked it a while ago.

What else is going on in my life besides the death of my cat?

2005-09-29T23:48:00.000-04:00

Well I am still balling every time I see or talk about Athena and don’t have the guts to post more pictures of her right now. I have cried my way through 4 rolls of toilet paper (double rolls so that’s really 8) in about 3 days.

I still can’t help but think what if I had taken her earlier, and if she is mad at me for not helping her like I promised her I would do.

Aside from learning and obsessing about my diabetes for the past month which is going fairly well. I’m still a little high with a 8 day average of 9.6. I am still learning and hopefully will be able to treat it without medication. I just have to get off my ass more and learn to eat properly.

I have come to the conclusion so far of foods I have to avoid or eat very seldom. I will never be able to eat them as a meal again.
Ø Ice cream
Ø Frozen yogurt
Ø Frozen pizza
Ø Perogies
Ø I’m sure there is more *cries*

They all push my blood sugar up more than 3 points every time I have them. I have also tested my medication I was on at the time. I am thankful that they seem to have no or very little effect on my blood sugar.

I got my diabetes software today and I love it. I haven’t had more than a chance to set it up and download my data but it will keep me interested enough to check out my readings and pay attention. Plus it really organizes them well and breaks down the stats. I’ll post it someday just to show everyone how bad my BS is.

I have also been under way too much stress from Steph. She has become a totally hypochondriac. She has even gone to the clinic twice in one day to be diagnosed.

I am woken up when I try to sleep and it is affecting her job, relationship, and defiantly her mentality. All this started about a month ago when I had the stomach flu.

I can’t describe how obsessed she has become with her body. If I didn’t know better I’d swear she had a breakdown.

The other day she came home and told me she feels really funny and is a diabetic because the coffee screwed up her blood sugar. I asked her if she had proof and she said no, I asked her if she was supposed to have coffee and again she said no. I pointed out that coffee increases her panic attacks and that she shouldn’t have it. She told me she knew.

I never know what to believe with her anymore because every time “it’s serious this time” Every time I was right and it was a panic attack.

She cries and says she doesn’t want to feel like that, and then does nothing to help herself feel better. I’ve actually contemplated trying to get her into the hospital for a month so she can have some intensive treatment. She really needs something. Earlier tonight she told me that she would rather kill herself than feel like this. I don’t believe her simply because she is so afraid of death.

I have no idea what to do and with not sleeping well because she wakes me up 10 to 15 times in 8 hours I’m not really sleeping at all.

She won’t go to sleep because she is afraid of dying in her sleep, She has gotten about 5 hours of sleep in the last 3 days and wonders why she is so tired and not feeling well. Add to that she is barley eating anything and not exercising.

I just wish she would listen to me and trust me when I tell her that it is a panic attack and try to rationalize her fears in a very comforting way.

I have no doubt that she is sick (irritable bowel syndrome and maybe something else) but when she comes to me 25 – 30 times a day to check her for jaundice, or if she has a fever, or if her eyes are normal, or if she has a cavity, or is her blood sugar okay, I should take her temperature, her back hurts, she has a headache.

I feel bad because she started a new medication and I didn’t believe her right away that it was making her sick because she was complaining about every small thing 30 times a day if not more.

I am thankfully away this weekend at the Picton Marathon. My job this weekend is to take pictures so expect a ton when I get home on Monday. This is where I like my http://.axalotal.blogspot.com better because it is so much easier to post pictures to it. It is essentially push button uploading as apposed to uploading and then copying the hyperlinks.

I was going stir crazy the last few days after Athena went into the hospital, and later passed away. I don’t know if I will ever get used to her not being around or get over the guilt I feel. I don’t feel guilty that she died.

When my dad passed away I didn’t feel bad for two reasons. The first one is the last thing he said to me was “I’m fine”, and I know I gave him the best care I could. I was doing things I don’t know how I did them or even that I could do them. With him I tried.

With Athena I didn’t try my best. I barley tried at all, and that’s why I feel bad and that it was my fault. I saw her wasting away but didn’t do anything for a week. I’ll never know if I cost her her life, or how she felt at the end and if she knows how much I really do care for her and miss her so much it makes me physically sick.

Okay enough with the tear jerking comments for tonight.

I was thrilled to see that 4 people now subscribe to my blog. That just amazes me.

I’m glad to get away for this weekend and preoccupy my mind with something other than Athena, Blood Sugars, and hypochondria. I hope that Steph does the same.

We’re at my moms right now and heading to Steph’s uncles tomorrow. He owns a Radio Shack and is a really cool guy. He’s also only a few years older than me which makes him seem more cousin like.

Saturday and Sunday we’re at my aunts for the pre marathon party and the marathon. That will be my biggest picture day.

Then it is back here Sunday night and home early Monday morning.

I can’t help but think what would have happened with that dream I had of Athena the night before she died had Steph not woken me up. It was really a weird one and so plain.

We were in an all blue room (like a perfectly clear sky) and I saw her and myself interacting. I had just bent down to pet her when I was woken to a hypochondriac moment.

I should go to bed sometime soon since I have to get up relatively early. I still have some time before I have to check my BS again.

I’m planning to go back to acting in the early spring once the miserable winter has passed. That should give Steph and I enough times to get out stuff together and everything else straightened out. Who knows I may get bored enough and go back sooner?

I’m really cold and tired so I’m off for now. I have no idea how I’ll kill 30 minutes actually I do.

I miss her so much it hurts

2005-09-28T05:06:00.000-04:00

Athena has been out of the house for over a day and passed on for about 20 hours now and I am devastated now if not more than I was even a few hours ago.

I miss her so much, I feel so lonely with her not pestering me, or lying beside me. She always had to be by my side. Right now she would be bothering me to play fetch or annoying me in some other way to take my mind off what’s troubling me. The problem is that she is no longer here to do that.

Right now is when she would be at her prime. Steph is asleep, the other cats are nowhere around, and Athena and I would hang out all night. I know she would have no problem pulling me back from my tortured heart and grief stricken soul.

She was so smart and you could sometimes see her trying to figure out an idea with her facial expressions. She knew just how to approach me and get me to smile, even knew that her annoyances were.

Something I have left out is that about two weeks ago I stepped on her foot and I assumed that she wasn’t walking much because I had hurt it, again I didn’t take her to the vet when I though I should have.

I can’t believe how lonely I feel with 3 cats and a girlfriend, a family that loves me, and all sorts of friends.

I can’t believe how empty it is without her here. It is as if the whole aura of the house has changed. I know it has, after all this house for nearly 3 years revolved around her. She was the only cat who got along with all the other ones.

Athena had such a presence about her. Everyone loved her; even people I know who hate cats said she was really amazing.

I found some more pictures of her but I can’t bare to look at her right now, I just break down sobbing for hours at a time.

I am struggling so hard now just to stay sane. It doesn’t help that I currently have no one to talk to, and no Athena to play fetch or cheer me up.

I still can’t help but think that if I had gotten her to the vet sooner she would have been okay. I know that I will never know, but I do know that I didn’t try, nor did I pay attention or think about her until it was obviously too late. I failed her when she really needed me.

I get her ashes back in about a week. I can’t wait to bring her back home. It won’t be the same but at least she will be home where she belongs.

I’m also crushed because I was really hoping to bring her home today and right now be spending time with her, even if it was laying on the floor next to her all day. Because I just found out I had diabetes at about the same time Athena got sick I didn’t pay her the attention she needed or give her the care I knew a week ago if not longer that she needed.

I miss her so much and I want her back right now.

If you go to my blog (the big box thing at the top) there are a few pictures of Athena not currently in my OD.

Athena died at 10:24 am 27/09/05

2005-09-28T02:13:00.000-04:00

Born November 2002
Died 27 of September 2005 at 10:24 am

It is with a great sadness that I have to write this entry. Athena passed away this morning. I was hoping to get a couple of days but the vet called panicked at 9 am saying that she wasn’t sure if Athena would even make it through the morning, defiantly not the day.

I showed up and was escorted right away to her, and she didn’t look good. I got the run down from the vet but don’t remember it because I was crying so hard.

Athena looked worse than yesterday and finally got up and tried to get up and out of the cage. I wish I had taken her in my arms and never let her go but instead I just tried to keep her from getting out of the cage.

She let out a horrific meow that didn’t sound like her at all and then laid back down. I kept petting her and crying. At one point I stuck my head close to hers and she gave me a little kiss (actually just rubbed her nose against me but I know what she was trying to do) and then turned so that she wasn’t facing me any more.

The vet came in and explained the procedure. I was petting her the whole time as she fell asleep and up to and even after the vet said that her heart had stopped. I covered her with a blanket and then just left the room; I didn’t want to be around her.

Now I want to go back and never leave her.

She was without a doubt the best thing in my life bar none. She could always cheer me up, make me smile, even when she pestered the shit out of me begging for food or trampling over me.

No matter how blue or upset I was she would find a mouse for me to throw and somehow even though I didn’t want to do that it always made me feel better. She would always have to be in the same room as I was.

I still remember when she had her kittens she came and woke me up and if the fist one didn’t get stuck she would have given birth right on my legs. She let me carry them for her and place them in her nest.

It was as if she was a human child and I was her parent. She seemed to look up to me, and trust me no matter what was happening. I feel like I betrayed that trust today and by not taking better care of her sooner.

The vet said that even if we had come in a month ago there is no telling if she would have taken the treatment.

I have never loved anyone more than I have her. We had some special bond that was indescribable.

I can’t help but feel that I let her down and that her death was my fault in a way. I noticed a change in her about a month ago. I let it linger and fester and get worse. If her disease was caught early (hepatitis) it could have been cured. I will always be plagued with the question as to why I was so slow to take her to the vets.

Even so much as 5 days ago (or last Monday for sure) her liver wasn’t working properly but it had not shut down, she was not so dehydrated as to do damage to her other vital organs, her blood was not toxic enough to effect her brain and other organs. She had a very good chance for survival.

I blame myself because I didn’t take the action when I knew I should have for whatever reason. I don’t know if she would have been saved but I do know that I would have tried my best.

Athena,

You looked so depressed today so I decided to help you pass on comfortably. I really wanted you to make a recovery, even a temporary one so that the last time we spent together would be fun and joys, not like it was today.

I am very sorry for pushing you away when you were coming to me in you’re hour of need. I hope you can forgive me. I didn’t want to hurt you physically and I know I hurt you emotionally and left you feeling alone. You weren’t. I have loved you from the moment I got you almost 3 years ago. You have been and were the best thing in my life. You gave me so much joy and happiness even when you were being a pain in my ass. You always knew how to cheer me up and make me happy when I was sad.

I didn’t mean to leave you suffering so long with out attention. I will never know if seeing a vet a week ago or even before would have saved you and that question will haunt me for a very long time. I never meant to leave you suffering like that. I am truthfully sorry. Please forgive me for not being there when you needed me most.

I wish I knew the connection you and I shared. It was something so magickal and special and I hope I never have it again so that it is just ours. The one thing that will always make you stand out from any other pet I have ever and will ever have.

I hope that I was able to be some comfort for you in your final hour. I only wish I could have been there all night with you. I didn’t want to leave you alone and did so only hoping that you would feel better.

You will never ever be forgotten and I can not wait to see you again. It will make me so happy again. I think you know how devastated and heart broken I am. I have never been this upset about anything in my life.

You were more than a cat to me, you were my best friend, my soul mate.

I love you Athena and I know you’re resting in peace now. While it saddens me you are no longer here with me I am glad you are no longer suffering. We all miss you and love you very much!

2005-09-28T02:09:00.001-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T02:09:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T02:07:00.001-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T02:07:00.000-04:00

Athena and gizmo

2005-09-28T02:06:00.003-04:00

Athena and tigger

2005-09-28T02:06:00.002-04:00

Athena and tigger

2005-09-28T02:06:00.001-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T02:06:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T02:03:00.000-04:00

Athena and tigger

2005-09-28T02:01:00.002-04:00

Athena and gizmo

2005-09-28T02:01:00.001-04:00

Athena and gizmo

2005-09-28T02:01:00.000-04:00

Athena and gizmo

2005-09-28T02:00:00.003-04:00

Athena and me

2005-09-28T02:00:00.002-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T02:00:00.001-04:00

Athena and tigger

2005-09-28T02:00:00.000-04:00

Athena and tigger

2005-09-28T01:59:00.001-04:00

Athena and tigger

2005-09-28T01:59:00.000-04:00

Athena and tigger

2005-09-28T01:58:00.000-04:00

Athena and tigger

2005-09-28T01:57:00.000-04:00

Athena, tigger, and me

2005-09-28T01:56:00.000-04:00

Athena and tigger

2005-09-28T01:55:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:54:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:53:00.001-04:00

Athena and gizmo

2005-09-28T01:53:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:52:00.000-04:00

Athena and me

2005-09-28T01:51:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:50:00.001-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:50:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:49:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:48:00.002-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:48:00.001-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:48:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:47:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:46:00.004-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:46:00.003-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:46:00.002-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:46:00.001-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:46:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:45:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:44:00.000-04:00

Athena

2005-09-28T01:43:00.000-04:00

Athena

Athena is dying

2005-09-27T02:01:00.000-04:00

We took Athena to the vets this morning and of course sensing she was really bad I was prepared for the worst. It wasn’t until I heard it from the vet I realised how real a possibility it was.

It turns out that her liver has totally shut down. Thankfully there is no real sign of cancer in the liver itself.

We are still waiting for one test to come back (the most important one) to see if she has feline leukemia. If she does then I have no choice to put her down. If she doesn’t have feline leukemia then I have a very tough choice to make.

As it stands right now Athena has about a 40 % chance of recovery, of course I think that number is high because of the way we received it. Steph asked and then gave the number of 40 % not allowing the vet to say what she wanted to say.

The hard part is that treatment will cost about 2,000 $ plus the nearly 700 $ to get this far.

Sadly I feel in my gut that she is going to be untreatable which makes the decision easy for me. Not one that I want to make either. I am so afraid that I have to put her down.

The real only good news I have at this point is that Athena is a very strong fighter and if I do go ahead with treatment I think she will beat the odds. I can get a 2,000 $ loan to pay for the treatments

Athena is not just a cat to me; she has been my best friend since I got her, my confidant, as close to a soul mate as one can get with an animal. I have such a mental and spiritual bonding with her it is just amazing and yet indescribable. I have never had it with any other animal in my life.

It has taken me a good 2 hours to write this because I can’t stop crying uncontrollably.

When my father died I wasn’t this bad, of course I knew with him there was nothing I could have done. That made it easier to accept than having the questions:

Why didn’t I get her tested when I got her
Why didn’t I take her to the vet sooner
Why did I skip her annual exam
How come I never picked up on it sooner

I’m sure someone as self punishing as I am can come up with more given time and a clear mind.

Being the grim reaper that I am has already picked the death sentence; Thursday just before we go away that way I won’t be coming back to the house with one less cat for a few days.

I just don’t know. That’s what it boils down to, is not knowing and having to make a decision that will effect no only myself, but my other 3 cats, and Athena for the rest of our lives.

I wish there was a right and a wrong answer here but there isn’t. There is only the what “if’s” those dreadful, pustule mental questions that eat at your soul. The ones that will haunt me for the rest of my life, especially if Athena is treatable and I decide not to.

My fav cat is dying and I’m do blaw

2005-09-26T06:42:00.000-04:00

I have had a lot going on in my life and just not felt like writing.

The saddest thing in my life is that my favourite cat Athena is dying. I don’t know when the last time she ate was, at least 3 days ago, but it has been going on for a while; just hard to notice with my self-absorbed behaviour as of late.

I first noticed she was looking a little slimmer than usually and acting kind of strange but not until the last week did I see daily the weight dropping off, and now she is all skin and bones. She hasn’t had anything to eat or drink in the last three days but a touch of yogurt a little bit of water and a few mouthfuls of wet cat food.

We’re taking her to the vets tomorrow. I cried myself to sleep last night for letting it go so long, but I really didn’t realize until really yesterday or the day before how bad she really was. I though she would just fight through a little cold or something and be okay.

I literally hate myself for leaving it so long and want to cry for letting her suffer because I wasn’t paying attention as I should have been.

The reason I have been so self absorbed is that I have been so focused on learning about diabetes.

Oh I have managed to prick my finger now, and in the last week done it 41 times.

I haven’t been keeping up on anything else, including my OD.

There has been a lot going on in my life too besides a sick cat, and my fingers so full of holes I’m surprised I haven’t had my fingers fall apart.

Steph has two on call jobs, and is doing better than she was. She is still fairly obsessed about her body. Thankfully it has calmed down a little bit now that she has been diagnosed.

She went to her doctor who told her that she had pulled a muscle in her belly area.

She went to the clinic a few days later, told the Dr there the same list of symptoms and went away with a diagnosis of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Of course this hasn’t totally calmed her down.

In an attempt to see how the medications I’ve been taking for various things have been affecting my blood sugars (all non prescriptions) and I have been off them now full for 3 days and there hasn’t been a huge change in my BS but I’m giving it a month with no medication and then I’m going to go back on them and see if there is.

I have learned no more porgies or delicio pizza for me.

I was born in the wrong time

2005-09-22T00:18:00.000-04:00

I was born in the wrong time

17/9/05

I was born in the wrong era.  I should have been born about 40 to 50 years earlier.

It was a simpler time, more fun, society wasn't as screwed up value wise, and people were generally all around nicer.

Yea to grow up during the war years would have been hard, but no harder than they are in the terrorism years.

Entertainment was much better.

Long gone are the Bogart’s, the Rat Pack, music that was music, movies that didn't rely on sex, violence, and special effects to make it,

People carried themselves with class, and honour, loyalty, were spoken with true meaning.

People had substance to them, depth, characters to be admired.

It was also a huge time of social change.

Sadly that was the height of our species.

From the 50's (even earlier) is when we began being raped mentally and made into what we are today, not by accident but by careful and incredibly slow manipulation.

I would give any thing to go back in time and help to stop it.

Very few people know that the US Federal Reserve is not a US Government agency, that it is actually owned by a group of international banking houses.

No one wants to know that now a days.  They simply don't care.

It is more important to know the cheat codes for San Andreas, or every moment of Britney Spears child birth.

It is politically correct to watch CNN and take their reports as truth rather than to use your own brain.

I was shocked at how many people were indifferent to the fact that some on OD is using Ashleigh Banfields name to promote absurd and disgusting propaganda.

We have as people been conditioned to not care about things that are truly important and worry about things that have no impact on our lives.  Yet I bet those people would be pissed to no end if it was their names being used to say the things that are being said.

It is a sad and disturbed world we live in today.  Most people only care about the sugar coating and don't taste what it really tastes like.

I managed to do it, then I puked

2005-09-13T15:53:00.000-04:00

Well I managed to finally poke my finger. I then promptly threw up and wasn’t able to get the blood sample. I guess it’s a step in the right direction.

I’m not sure if I fee better or worse about the situation now.

I haven’t tired it again since I hurled. I’ll probably try later tonight.

I was told try for 10 min, and if I can’t do it go back to it in a little while when I’ve calmed down.

This whole situation just makes me feel like such a wimp, and loser.

I did come to realize though that this does show how strong my self preservation instincts are and that should count for something.

About yesterday and today

2005-09-13T04:20:00.000-04:00

About yesterday and today

11-09-05

Yesterday was interesting.

I didn't want to get up at nine because I went to bed around six.

I did manage to get up and put the beans on.

While I was doing that Steph took off to the clinic to get checked out.

I think now that she knows there is a clinic there she will be there at least once every two months.

She got home at just the right time to leave for the Mormon Church.

We made it there just as it was starting.

I don't know.  Actually I do.  It is like every other religion with its own twists.

I don't feel anything special about it.  Steph on the other hand seems to be more into it at this point.

We headed home and decided to look for Christmas vacations next year.

We started thinking Paris, and ended up wanting to go to Vienna.

Sadly the cheapest place to go to is Bermuda but it probably is the most expensive once we get there.

We looked at last minute deals and found one for a week in Paris for 2,600 $.

Then we had the idea that if we took the money out of the trust fund and then paid it back with interest (10 % or so) in the long run we'd be better off since I wouldn't make that much with the allotment in the bank.

It's nice to be able to give yourself a loan.

My mom had to approve it and while she thinks it's a god idea she thinks we need to plan it better.

In reality I think my mom was just being my mom and didn't want Steph and I to go.

Although my mom had a few good points.  The biggest one was that Steph shouldn't work less than a month and take eight days off to go on vacation.

Even though Steph is part time and has a sheet she fills out a sheet when she is available.

Anyhow the trust fund will be fully set up in the next couple of weeks and I should be here to sign papers and all that exciting stuff.

We headed back to the church for a baptism. It was much different than I though it would be.

Steph ate a bunch of things there that the doctor told her she shouldn’t be eating.  Then later complained her tummy was sore.

She has an interview to work at McDonalds as well.  It is this Thursday.  That is the same night we are meeting the bishop.  At this point I think Steph is more interested in it than I am.

I ended up getting my glucometer tonight and well I can’t bring myself to poke my finger.

Steph is really freaking out about how sick she is.

Elder E left to go home today and we had lunch together.  I cooked him hosin pork with stir fried vegetables and steamed rice.  It turned out really well.  Better than I though.  I’m glad it did.  We all got a little teary eyed at the end.  I meant to give him a Canadian tie and forgot. I should mail that out to him tomorrow.

I know how childish and irrational I’m being but that doesn’t help.

I should go exercise and go to bed.  It is 4:15 am on the 13th.

I’ll probably wait and have my mom poke me the first time.  Not that I trust her any more than I trust myself but Steph seems to be way to eager to inflict pain on me and kind of freaks me out.

My mom’s poked me before so I know she can do it.

This is what scares me

2005-09-13T03:12:00.000-04:00

This is what scares me.

I have been sitting here trying to poke my finger since this afternoon and I just can’t.  Whenever I go to push the button I freeze up, get all faint and feel like I’m going to throw up.  I just can’t inflict damage on my self no matter how small the prick.

What scares me is that I was put on medication once for months.  This medication made me (and I actually did) cut myself just like a depressed teenager.

That is how badly that medication messed me up.  And people wonder what is wrong with the youth today.   Take a look at what they are putting in their systems.

I just cant pull the Trigger

2005-09-13T00:18:00.000-04:00

I just can’t pull the trigger

I got my glucometer today.  It’s a device that checked blood sugar levels.

I haven’t used it yet because I can’t pull the trigger on the little poker thing and put a tiny little pin prick in my finger tip.

How sad is that?  I feel like such a wuss every time I get ready and on the count of three pull away.

Talk to me

2005-09-09T02:16:00.000-04:00

Talk to me

8-9-05

I got up at about 2 and after breakfast called sunny but no one answered so I pouted momentarily and then posted my backed up entries.

Oh an update on Steph's legal battle.  We were told today that it will take 6 to 8 weeks for the collection agency to supply us with the information we requested.  That is an obscenely long time considering BS told us we have all the information we need right in front of us.

He also told Steph's paralegal that 5 business days was not enough time to get the information to us, and inferred that he had been in contact with Steph when in fact he has not been.

Steph made it home from her first day of work at TCH and told me all about it.

She is still paranoid that she has something very wrong with her because

She hasn't been all there lately and making very careless mistakes.  I try not to get annoyed with her but I do.

I get very frustrated when I ask her to do something that is time sensitive and she doesn't do it so now I have to do my part and hers.

That’s fine but as I start to do it she gets all upset that I'm doing it and throws a fit and then dose it.

I finally passed this one part on san andreas that I was stuck on for months.  It was some stupid race I couldn't do.
Well tonight I was off my game totally.

There was this easy drive up, kill a bunch of people, blow up a van, go to paint 'n' spray and then back to where you start from.

It took me 8 tries because I kept doing bone head shit that baffled me right after I did it.

One of the nice things now is that Steph is working is that next month we can start saving.

I think with her job being part time it will be 1/2 he bills for now, that way she has money to spend on herself.

So she should have one maybe two paycheques totally to herself.

I would love for her to pay the full amount but I don't want to make her broke either.
She "pays the bills" and it buys us a vacation about once a year.

Fuck there is a huge spider on the ceiling.  It looks like it's dragging something.

If you want to see how twisted the world is look up "spider goat" on the internet.

I called out Ashleigh Banfield today too (the diarist not the reporter) because I know it is not the journalist and the diarist does nothing to let people know she is not affiliated with the journalist.

I guess today was a good day.

I didn't get done what I wanted.  Now that Steph is back at work there are no excuses for me not writing, and keeping the house clean like I was when she was at school.

Patriotism in not worshiping government!

2005-09-08T14:50:00.001-04:00

To be a true patriot is not worshiping the government as most people believe.

Being a true patriot is about upholding the bill of rights (in my case - I live in Canada - the charter of rights and freedoms).

George Washington was a red coat (British) and he didn't like the tyranny and corruption that was going on so he put on a blue coat (Americans) and stood up to the tyrannical government that was oppressing the people and in the process helped to founded the now United States of America.

People forget that the government is there to serve you, not make you lick their boots and laugh at you.

Sadly people believe that their leaders are God.

Adolph Hitler said "being a true patriot is worshiping me and the military". The people in 2005 listen to him as opposed to the founder of their own country.

Now you have a choice, to educate yourself with truth, or rot your mind on what Brad and Angelina are doing today.

If you chose the later don't complain when you loose your rights and end up in a FEMA detention camp.

I hate being sick

2005-09-08T14:50:00.000-04:00

07-09-05

I have been sick the last few days. It really hit me on Sunday during the wee hours of the morning.

Poor Steph, I think she has been bit by the same bug.

There is some good news; Steph must have done well on her interview at TCH because she starts training there tomorrow.

She starts off as part time server and part time PSW (some union thing) until there is an opening for full time available.

Its money which is good but more importantly it is doing something she wants to do.

The last two days Steph and I watched 24 marathon. I think it was the complete 3rd season.

It had to do with a nuclear missile striking LA

I tried calling sunny today and either it was the wrong number or she didn't know it was me. I'm going to call her tomorrow and hopefully she'll know this time who it is.

There isn't much going on in my life.

Oh I had some one here yesterday to talk about my water.

He tried to tell me that because one test showed my berkey water had "stuff in it" it wasn't clean water.

I confronted him on the good minerals and stuff in water and he told me there wasn't any.

He didn't do a true water analysis and show me the chemical breakdown which is more important than what colour water turns and clouds up.

I was just listening to all the stuff that FEMA has been caught doing in New Orleans. It has been everything from destroying dykes and killing army corps of engineers, to being caught destroying food and water shipments, to cutting civilian and emergency service communications. They have been caught raping, and joking about people who need to be rescued. This was on CNN, ABC, and MSNBC but with a spin that they are just careless.

There are some police denying FEMA agents access to their areas.

Now the police are going to go in and forcibly evacuate people from their homes. They will not be allowed to take their pets with them. I already know I'll get a few notes telling me so what, and that goes to show how shallow people are today and have no idea of what freedom really is all about.

The only way you can be forcibly removed from your home is if you are in immediate danger.

I'm sick

2005-09-08T14:46:00.000-04:00

04-09-08

I don't feel well. I had the crapolas and major cramps.

I haven't eaten in about 15 hours or so. I'm not hungry and afraid it will come out one of my two holes in a nasty fashion.

My tummy feels like it is trying to pull my belly button in.

Steph won't have let me chili I made last night. I have to have half a hot dog bun instead.

My upper chest stings and feels kind of heavy and my muscles ach and feel weak.

I felt bad earlier in the week and I thought I may be lactose intolerant.

I have talked to my mom and she thinks it was some virus or food related.

It has been a good nine hours since I started this and chili held nicely in my tummy but it is still sore and I have cramps.

I managed to ride my longest ride to date and hopefully starting early next month I'm going to do a simulation ride cross Canada.

I have always wanted to do that so I'm going to do it in my own basement for conditioning

I won at poker yay m

2005-09-03T13:34:00.000-04:00

I won at poker, yay me

02-09-05

Well today wasn't an out standing day by any means.

I was dragging my ass all day, didn't/couldn't get out of bed or seem to want to do anything.

Steph made dinner (all by herself) and it was quite good for someone who goes around saying they can't cook.  I think she has been lying to me.

She dragged me to her friend krusy's house where we were entertained by their 14 month old.

This kid is a genius.  He is running around, saying a few words, knows his body parts, and the coolest part- he is potty training himself.

He is so adorable.  I could steal him.

Once he went to bed we played poker.

I have yet to figure out why it is so cool now.  I remember 10-15 years ago when I wanted to play no one wanted to.

We taught Steph how to play Texas hold-em and I ended up wining it all with a flush.

Then we played euchre.  I had K as my partner and lost the first game horribly.  The whole time K complained about wanting a new partner.

We started the second game and a few hands into it Aden woke up and kept us all entertained while K and I won the second game.  It was about 12:30 ant T had to be up early for work so we left.

We dropped by A&P to pick up some groceries for the long weekend and made it home without incident.

I had a salad while we watched some TV and now Steph is sleeping beside me while I write at 2:45 in the morning.

I'm going to call sunny on Monday.  I hope I get her since I don't know her schedule.

I'm afraid with her NYC accent I won't understand a thing she says but I have no doubt it will be fun.

I'm also going to try amber yet again.  I am very bad at calling people.  I just never seem to do it for some reason.

I often wonder what my life would be like if I just picked up and moved to France like I wanted to back in March months ago.

I still can't believe my mom just lent put my SUV without asking me if it was ok.

If I ever confront her on it I know what she is going to say as well.  She will try to spin it to make me out to be the bad and inconsiderate person.

I'm so excited for dinner tomorrow night.  Tacos.  I can’t wait only one sleep.

It is amazing how planning to cook meals is cheaper, and I am kicking myself for not buying those cheap chicken breasts the other night.  Of course they were expiring in a few days but if you freeze them they keep for months.  They were about 1.50 $ breast.  Damn good deal.  I've gotten them before and they were great.

I'm craving Jack's wings.

The annual wing ding (regional chicken wing contest) is in the next week but sadly I don't have the money to go this month.

I can't wait until Steph gets a job.  We have this great savings plan set up and figure we will save 6,000 $ a year hands down.

That means a vacation a year if we are frugal with out money and don't have to dip into the trip fund.

This month we would have saved 800 $ alone.

Steph agrees that it is a good way to save so I can't wait to start.

Our plan is to both pay the bills, and that way whatever our bills are (condo fees, electric, gas, cable, phone) is our saving money as well.

We're going to put it into a special high interest account and isn't easy to access our money.

It won't be like that every month, and we've talked about other nontrip reasons for withdrawing the money.

I'm excited because this time next year we could be on our first or even second with the trip fund.

Someone (I forget who) told me that it was a dumb idea but had no real argument as to how.

I hope Steph gets this job at TCH and not for the money; I want her to be out doing something with her life that she enjoys doing.

She has become very lazy, restless, unmotivated, and stagnant the past few months because she has done nothing.

She has even stopped really exercising and I think the weight/inch gain the last month upset her, hopefully enough to start exercising regularly again.

Everyone asks when we're getting married.  I keep telling them “when people stop asking”.

The Mormons said the other night that if we get baptized that we would either have to get married first or live in separate houses so that we aren’t living in sin and having premarital sex.  I'm not sure how living apart would solve that problem.

I should call my cousin heather one of these days.  She's going to school for PSW.  It seems that is what everyone I know is taking these days.

LOL Steph is snoring.  I should have taped it.

Well it is 3:30 am and time for bed for me; I'm going to post this when I get up.

Fluffabunny

2005-09-02T04:02:00.000-04:00

Fluff-a-bunny

1-9-05

Well my computer is pretty much all installed in terms of necessities and now I can set up Steph’s account easily.

My Mormon friends dropped by today.  They brought another missionary today.  We had a great chat about Mormonism.

Some time over the next few weeks I'm going to have the bishop over for dinner.  That should be cool.

Steph had her interview today and she seems to think that it went well.

Because of the union rules she would be doing two part time jobs and get full time when a vacancy (and her seniority) allow.

I have discovered that I have under 400 $ to last me the month and it is the first day.  I have no idea (actually I do but I hate to admit it) this happened.  I feel like such an idiot for allowing myself to get into this position.

I need to go exercise and clear my head.

I feel a little better now, and it only took me about 50 min on the bike.  I’m exhausted and it is 4 am so time for bed for me I think, I haven’t had much on my mind the past few days.  Oww my finger is still not type ready, still feels more than a little uncomfortable.

Monthly exercise stats

2005-09-02T02:31:00.000-04:00

Here are my stats for how far I have biked in the month of august. I got my bike on the 26th of the month which is why they are so low. I’m just going to put the final totals for the month up. Hopefully that will help keep me going through the next little tough time I have to keep going. I hate to admit that I need a total kick in the ass to do this but I do. I have even though of starting an anonymous exercise journal because I’m somewhat embarrassed of my inability to get back into shape and eat properly despite knowing how to do it. I just lack the willpower.

Month H M S Dst Cal Weight Days
Aug 05 4 34 10 99.3 3625 no change 6

Well I can’t wait to see how I do this month now that I have a bike for the whole month. I hope that come next year I’ve warn it out. Hopefully it’s built better than that.

Nothing exciting tod

2005-09-02T02:13:00.000-04:00

Nothing exciting today

31-08-05

Well nothing exciting today. Other than getting a huge electrical bill.

It was nearly triple what I paid last month yet I used 1 kwh less this month.  Someone has some explaining to do tomorrow.

There is no way I am going to pay 400$ a month in electricity, particularly when I am very concuss about making sure things  not in use are turned off.

We went out to a Chinese buffet for dinner and then decided to find a PS2 game.

It wasn't at 5 points so we headed to the most evil store on the planet and one of the places I detest most on earth wall mart.

They didn't have the game either and we ended up at future shop.

They didn't have the game either so I go a team season instead.

I had a good bike ride tonight.  For the first 30 min I paced myself at 20 km an hour and then went another 20 min at whatever my legs could take me.  This was my second longest ride and missed top spot by a couple of minutes.  I could have kept going but Steph needed me to go to bed with her until she falls asleep.

She has an interview tomorrow and is also going to get her blood sugar and cholesterol.

Next week some time I'm going to the diabetic clinic for a four hour class.

I think that I'll go to my moms that night.

I'm starving.  I had breakfast at 5 pm or so and it's now 11:14 pm.

I finally got my palm pilot able to sync with my computer again so I can put all my entries on my blog.

The downside is that it interferes with my palm pilot as well and I now have to readjust it as well.

When life hands you a lemon...

2005-09-01T02:49:00.000-04:00

When life hands you lemons...

30-08-05

...smile nicely and say thank you.  Then when life isn't looking throw the lemons away.

Today was one of those days.  I just didn't want to get out of bed, or do anything.

I struggled to do thirty minutes on the bike but I did and went farther today than any other thirty minute ride to date.

Steph has an interview on Thursday at TCH retirement home.  She doesn't seem overly excited or nervous about it.  I know she'll do fine but she does need to do some preparing.

Helen got a phone call today from her PSW teacher.

She didn't pass the entrance test because although she got the question right the teacher did not count it because Helen used only one sentence to answer it.

Ahhh that great double think takes me back to when Steph was there and was told similar things that make no sense.

Now Helen thinks that she is stupid and not worth anything and that if she doesn't pass it next time then she'll just quit.

We went to the S's tonight and had a good chat with them and the missionaries.

They seem like a really nice couple and have a very uniquely decorated gorgeous home.

She loves antiques and collects some of the oddest things and manages to show them off in beautiful ways.

They also have four or five really cute dogs.  One of which likes to steal the sock off your foot if you're not giving him attention.

While we were there one of their dogs farted and holy bean burritos did it stink.

The first time it farted I was in the middle of saying something and I got caught up trying not to laugh I found it so funny.

We (Steph and I) watched the aviator tonight.  Wow it is a long movie.  I really liked it but wow it was a long movie.

Yay I have the net again - my modem broke

2005-09-01T02:45:00.000-04:00

Yay I have the net again - my modem broke

29-08-08

Well on the good note I ended up getting my new modem today, and as soon as they changed it the net worked.

Now I'm installing all those programs I have, and downloading the ones I need, and copying over the files from backed up sources.

I found a couple of blank CDs so I'm also going to back up some (as many as I can) pictures just incase.  I lost two years worth of pictures once and I wasn't happy about it.

Steph came back this morning and was glad to be home.  I wanted to sleep until 10:30 but she would not let me.

It always amazes her that I can sleep through the buzzer of the alarm clock.

My poor sore finger is tender but with mild discomfort I can type again which is thrilling

Again today Steph did nothing about finding a job which is frustrating because in the real world you do not get a weekday off to recover from the weekend.

I wonder if I should remind her about our deal come the end of September.

It is that if she does not spend a minimum five hours each weekday looking for work, the time September’s bills are due she looses her privileges for personal use, and I will provide her with the extreme bare necessities until she gets serious about looking.

I know that sounds mean and I don't want to do that but if it takes tough love then I'll give it.

We also before her PSW course set out a plan and it said that she would have a job in July, that way I could afford to go back into acting.

She did not comply, and I have continued to support her.

What makes it so bad though is that she complains about not having a job, but then does nothing to get on.

In the last month she has put out maybe twenty resumes over two days and that has been about it.

She has even turned down tow interviews saying she was looking for a PSW job, and then she didn't go out and look for a PSW job.

Gizmo is funny.  She has extra fur that covers her pads on her paws so she can't walk very well, and if she ever runs her method of stopping is sliding until either she runs out of momentum or collides with an object thus stopping her.

Quite often it is the back sliding door window that she uses to stop.  The evidence is little nose smudges, and odd clumps of hair stuck to the door that gets left after a resounding thump.

Mahdeea (I think that is how you spell her name) still dose not seem to get along too well with gizmo.

A half hour on my bike right now burns off the calories from one 710 ml bottle of coke.

I created this awesome spreadsheet that can track my weight and several other exercise statistics and break them down several ways.

My favs are:

monthly comparison of time, distance, calories burnt

a breakdown of my weight compared to my staring weight and previously entered weight.

I'm such a geek some times.  I figure it will motivate me by having to create the data to put in, and give me a goal to beat or maintain.

Helen is all nervous about her PSW course and whether or not she even got in.  I keep telling her how smart she is and that I know she can do it, and since she has wanted to do it back in high school the drive and wanting is there.

Well, the computer is pretty much up and running now.  Still have some things to install that are important (such as programs to take this entry from palm to computer).

I finally got some new movies.  Electra, National Treasure, and Aviator.

We watched the first two.  National Treasure skips in a few parts and Steph is going to take it back tomorrow when she goes to the doctor.

I have been riding my bike every day and can last at a good pace for about thirty minutes.  I think I will keep that thirty minutes until the start of September and then try for forty-five a coupe of times a week.

I have yet to use those arm things that came with it, and wish that I had some sort of computer programmed workouts but if I keep up the riding the next one I get will definitely have that.

On our way home tonight (between marry and Sarasota) Steph got hit in a drive by.  It wasn't a gun shot.  In fact we have no idea what hit her.

It seemed to bounce really well what ever it was.

As the black van (with its lights off) sped pat us, I heard and saw the sliding door close.

She is fine and only got a small bruise.  She was at the time very shaken up.

I assured her that it was totally random (we were the only two people around) act by a bunch of punks who watch too much brain rotting jackass and will probably have very shitty lives and that if they really wanted to hurt her they could have.

Oddly about five minutes before hand I had the voice telling me about Steph getting shot in the leg during a drive by.

Tomorrow night we go to a "Mormon" house to get another couples perspective on it.

I'm excited for Steph to tell her story from the last time the missionaries were here.

It is a few entries back about Steph having her prayer answered as to the direction she wants to go in life.

Well I'm pretty exhausted and with Steph home now can't really spread out for a good nights sleep.

Hopefully I can post these entries soon.  I have four or five of them

More things broke

2005-09-01T02:38:00.000-04:00

More things broke

28-08-05

Well 2 hours after I called the ISP tech help (in India, I asked) they gave up on me.  After another hour on the phone (with the domestically located help) they said that someone will come out tomorrow between 11 & 2 to check out my modem and connection.

They can connect to my modem but not my PC.

I know it is not my computer because I formatted it yesterday and I can not connect either wirelessly or directly connected to the modem.

I miss my OD and not having any new podcasts.

But getting to the title.  I plugged in my air purifier (a little under a year old) and it isn't working.

I need it desperately as one or all of my cats took a leak in the basement bathroom and the stench is overpoweringly gross.

And my mop broke while I was getting it out so that I could scrub the floor.

I gave it a quick fix that I will regret in a day or two when I get a mop (next to impossible to find replacement heads) and go clean it.

So here I sit in bed at 3:50 pm trying to cool off after a 40 minute bike ride trying to cool off.

I feel so brain dead and blaw.  I have to struggle to focus, and try very hard not to spend money wastefully.

I want a snail mail penpal (if anyone is interested) with whom I can share, talk about life, and have deep conversations with on any number of subjects.

I love pen pals but sometimes I don't write for six months or a year and when I finally do they are mad and don't write back.

If you're interested leave me a private note with your email address.

Steph comes back tomorrow morning and you would think that I would be monopolizing as much time in bed as possible but I'm not oddly enough.  But last night other than the caffeine waking me up it was a good sleep.

Right now I'm torn between ordering pizza and eating left overs or making something.  If I didn't know better I would swear that I've caught Steph's inability to make a decision.

Helen called me a bunch of times tonight and it turns out that her new husband (for the time at least) has changed his asshole ways.

She is all excited about going to school for PSW.  She is going to take it at the same school Steph took it.

I asked her if this is what she wants do with her life and she gave me a resounding yes, and that she wanted to do this back in high school.

I think she will be great at it.

Gizmo is freaking me out.  She is running around jumping and pouncing on something I can’t see.

Well it is now after two am and I have to get up at nine thirty so I guess I should put down my PDA and read myself to sleep.

I hate computers and

2005-09-01T02:33:00.000-04:00

I hate computers and the problems they cause

27-08-05 9:21 pm

I despise computers and the internet.  Neither one seems to work very well for me.

I was downloading an interview from www.infowars.com so I would have something to listen to tonight while I was away when my net just stopped working.

I tried the usual things that I do when it happens and none of them worked.

I even broke my computer apart and reassembled it in the basement so that I could plug my computer directly into the net.  Again with no luck.

I hulled its ass back upstairs and reassembled it again and tried some desperation tricks.  At some points it would not even connect to the router.

Then I created a new network and that didn't solve the problem so I have decided to format the computer and if it doesn't work after that I'm calling my ISP.

I almost got the keyboard for my palm pilot the other day.  I wish I had it right now but most of the time I'm righting in bed or in a place the keyboard would be useless.

I've been listening to Great Big Sea all day.  They are/were my favorite group.  The pretty much sold out (as it seem all great Canadian groups do) the past two albums which coincided with them trying to break into the US market.  I don't blame them they want the fame and money just like everyone else.

Fuck its taking hours to back up my computer.  I should just keep my documents on my D drive.

I had chicken wings for dinner.  Not the ones from JFS but from the polish food place.

I realized that if I whore a pair of medical gloves that my finger would be kept clean, well it worked brilliantly and made cleaning up so easy.

I got rained on going to buy pop tonight.  I actually would have made it, had it not been for some rather bad policies of a certain major video rental company.

I wanted to buy two DVDs and a ps2 game.  Well I had forgotten my membership card, and that meant that to complete the transaction I had to show picture ID with my name, address, and signature.

I produced my passport (I love using it because it creates a debate).

They told me that my passport is unacceptable because the address is written in by the owner of the passport, not typed in by the issuer.

I pointed out that it is an official Canadian document photo ID, and the most accepted form of ID in the world.

The still said no.

I had them confirm that I am in their system along with my girlfriend, and that all the info I gave them matched on their computer and my passport.  They said yes.

I was still refused and told that they would hold them while I went and got another form of ID.

I told them not to bother because I was going to (insert main competitor here) and buy them from there even if they cost more and all because of a moronic rule the will loose hundreds of dollars in business from me, and countless more from people I tell.  I walked out.

Looking back as I left the crowd that gathered seemed a little awe struck.  I herd a few comments through out the whole ordeal to just sell me the items, and a few hinting I was being an ass

I ran into one of Steph's friends and got their new address and phone number.  We're invited over to their place any time we want to play poker.

Steph stood unto her parents and told her mom why she doesn't go down to visit them as often as they want us too.

Her moms reply was that she does in fact like me and that her dad was raised a certain way and that’s why he is like he is.

When they are apart they are great people.  When they are together they are miserable to be around.

Steph was a little annoyed at the fact that a letter her dad said he would mail last week was still at their house.  It is very relevant to her ongoing legal dispute.  When she asked to have it sent she made that clear to her father.

It is 11:38 pm now and I am about to start the formatting of the computer.  While it takes me months to install everything I need, lets see how long it will take me to install it to a functioning working computer.  The list to install is in no order:

Windows xp

sound

wireless network

printer

palm desktop

documents to go (so I can post the entry)

ms office

quicken

pocket quicken

copy all my documents back to the C drive

digital camera software

antivirus software

all xp updates

ipodder

adobe acrobat

That is the basics not including games, things like codex, chat programs, and misc ones I don't use often.

----------------------------------------------------
Installation Timeline

27-08-05
11:48  pm - started the formatting.

28-08-05
12:11 am - start installing xp
12:24 am - went to eat (still                        installing)
01:01 am - back from eating.  At blue first time running xp screen
01:05 am - xp installed, setting up desktop/settings
01:20 am - start installing wireless network
03:06 am - tried to install wireless network, did nor work so I took the computer apart and moved it downstairs so I could plug it directly into the modem.  Still doesn’t work.  Am going to bed and I'm going to call tech support when I get up if it is still not working.
-----------------------------------------------------

Steph's brother is going to get a class ring for graduating grade nine.

Steph’s nose is out of joint a little because he wanted one when she graduated high school and she didn't get one.

This hasn't been my weekend.  I got rained on, massively scratched by gizmo, my computer is on vacation, and I’m alone.

How nice it was of Steph to take off for the weekend when she knew I was sick and not feeling well.

I can't blame her though, I've been a winy asshole the last day or so.

I just haven't been feeling right lately.  Just kind of out sorts.  I can't really explain it.

I guess I'm going to try and get some sleep.

I found out tonight that I can't write diary entries while I'm on my exercise bike, at least not very easily.

Using a sledge hammer on my new exercise bike

2005-09-01T02:26:00.000-04:00

Using a sledge hammer on my new exercise bike

26-08-05  4:59 pm

The title isn't as bad as it sounds.

In step one I was to extend the seat all the way and I could not pull it out no matter how hard I tried or how much leverage I got.

I figured that it was stuck, and when things are stuck I use the sledge hammer.  With a gentle tap out it popped and now slides perfectly.

I took it for a test spin of 1 kilometer and while I don't like the arm exercise arms that are attached to it, I really do like the bike.

The one hour project to put it togeather took me about three.

Steph had a weird experience, and I think may have freaked her out a little.

The Mormon friends came by to chat and see how things were going.  Yes this is part of the story.

Before they left they wanted to pray and for the first time since they have been coming Steph did.

One of the things that she asked for was direction in her life.

Shortly after they left we headed out to do our earns.

We didn't get far and I noticed
I was wearing my wrong shoes, and headed back to change them.

While back home Steph called her paralegal to talk about the letter.

He said that he explained the changes and his feelings about them, and Steph agreed that the original letter was fine. She was told to fax it in about fifteen minutes.

So we waited and during that time compare (a psw job) called asking if she was still interested and she said yes.

Then Steph thought that it was a sign that her prayer was answered.  Particularly because of the events that lead us to be home when the call came.

She faxed off the letter to her paralegal and then we left to errand.

First off was the bank where I took out 200 $ in 5s. The bank teller lady wasn't shocked and even said she thought she saw me before.

Then après the bank we went to get pina coladas and daiquiris.  I had the PC.

We then got cards for TI, JM, and Steph's grandma.

We looked around a little and then went home.

We had pizza for dinner.

Then I said that I didn't feel like going and Steph had to tell me that I was being childish, immature, and other demeaning thing.

Then I told her what she said that she didn't know why she said that stuff and got all upset.

She doesn't get that I'm feeling funny and strange.  I just don't want to go.  I don't have any real reason.  I just don't feel well and it way goes away tomorrow morning.

I haven't even started packing yet which is odd for me.

Steph is worried about me, and I'm fine but she doesn't believe me.

I had a reason Fridge Pants

2005-09-01T02:19:00.000-04:00

I had a reason... Fridge pants

26-08-05 12:10 am

Well to start off with the ongoing legal battle.

The collection agency did not call at all today which makes me wonder what they are planning.  I am willing to bet that they are going to forego any other attempts to collect and go straight to court.

The paralegal sent a draft of the letter today and Steph thought that it wasn't quite strong enough so she sent some ideas to make it hit just a little harder.

They were that we have requested information three times by phone and was denied, as well as denied any explanation as to why in wrigheting.

The other one was that either the provide documentation, or stop calling and if they don't provide documentation by September 2 05 then any communication with them will be considered harassment.

So on that front things are going well I guess.  I'm assuming that the letter will be redrafted and faxed to the collection agency tomorrow.

My exercise bike comes tomorrow and with my superb mechanical skills should be rideable around Christmas.

Steph is finally going to look for a job tomorrow and hopefully by next week or so will be working.

I feel so out of touch with reality yet at the same time I am more in touch that most people.

Oh apparently the leafs signed some good players.

I heard that lindros was one of them.  For 1.1 million or what ever it was could be a good price for some one who may not play more than three games.

We broke down and are going to two birthday parties this weekend.  Tony (J's uncle) and J's.  They are turning 40 and 30 respectively.

Ohh I wonder if the Jays are in town.  We can kill a few hours going to a Jay’s game.

Steph has never been to skydome (now the Rogers center but I refuse to call it that).

I have so many pictures to post, and some time next week I'll do an entry devoted to the 30 or so pictures I want to show off.  Some one remind me.

So we ended up turning down Steph family and while I feel bad, it will be easier to go see them when we get our SUV back and everything else is settled.

Steph is talking to mom2some tight now and it sounds like two long lost friends.  I've talked to her as well in the past and she is really quite a card.

Finally some progress and it looks good

2005-08-25T00:00:00.000-04:00

Finally some progress and it looks good

24-08-05 9:58 pm

Well the first thing I want to write about is this ongoing harassment by a collection agency.

Steph talked to a paralegal this morning briefly, to go over the case, and then we got organized for the visit.

I think that we partially scored with the paralegal.  He used to be a fraud investigator for the government.

Within the first 20 minutes or so he was very confused as there was no paper trail that made sense.

During the time he was here the collection agent called twice.

After exhausting every possible angle and obviously missing something we decided to call the collection agent to get his side of the story and send documents that can help tie our documents together and to the claim.

We were shocked that the collections agent would talk to the paralegal but he did.

After telling the collection agent who he was, the collection agent tried to play mind games, and throw the paralegal off his game.

As I had said (based on previous experience) the collections agent would not cooperate, and he didn't.

Then the collection agent wanted to talk to Steph again and tried the tricks he just tried on the paralegal but Steph didn't bite.

We laughed and joked and talked about the upcoming plan of attack, and the letter that we are going to be sending to the collection agent.

Since the collection agent has refused to cooperate, and if he refuses to after receiving the letter the basically it becomes harassment and action will be taken against him personally, and possibly the company as well.

I loved talking with the paralegal because I could feed off him and learn thongs that despite knowing I just overlooked them.  They all play in our favour as well.

I fell confident that we don't have to pay, and if they want to take us to court at this point the case may get tossed because we have made every effort to figure out why we have to pay this bill.  Really who pays a bill they get with out understanding where the bill came from?

We are going to start recording his conversations, or not talk to him if he refuses.

Well there isn't really much else on my mind.

I get my exercise bike on Friday, and Steph and I have decided that since we can't decide where to go this weekend (my best friends 30th birthday surprise party or Steph's family party, or a friends jack and Jill) we have decided not to go anywhere.

I know that is somewhat childish.

Oh yay my band aid just came off.  It only took about two weeks.  Now I can see how gross my finger is.  I should post a picture of it.

Progress with lawyer and some cool toys

2005-08-24T23:57:00.000-04:00

Progress with lawyer and some cool toys

24-08-05 12:55 am

Well we were up at 6 am and got ready, headed down to the OC and the legal clinic.

The meeting lasted all of thirty seconds.  The lawyer said that she couldn't deal with it but suggested a paralegal.

Steph called a paralegal and was told that there would be no problem in dealing with this case.  So we see him tomorrow at one pm.

The Collections guy called 4 times today and left messages, and tried multiple times to get me to give up where she was and a number where she could be reached.

Well we go forward tomorrow.

Since we were at the OC I took the opportunity to buy a couple of cool measuring cups.

One is called "the perfect beaker", and has measurements on it in almost every measurement possible.

The other on I got was one of those plunger types.

I also got a book called "911 commission, Omissions and deceptions" by David Ray Griffin (I think I spelled his last name wrong).  I have actually heard him interviewed multiple times and the last time was to discuss this book.  So far it has been a great read.

The other thing tonight was a party at Curves, it was Hawaiian Night.

I got to go twice around the circuit.  My knee stood up well and so far fells good.

I get my exercise bike in a few days and am excited about it.

I still have to break my bad eating habits.  That will be harder that setting some sort of exercise routine.

I can also read easier, and watch the boob tube while sitting down in a recliner chair.

There isn't a lot going on.

I found out that my friend J got a tattoo of a Chinese dragon on his arm.

I have no idea what is going on this weekend.

I am hesitant for Steph to spend too much time with her parents this weekend because I'm afraid that all the positive work that has been done over the last few months may be destroyed.

Some times I think that she gets the impression that I don't want to spend the time with the rest of her relatives, which is false.

Well I is now 1:46 am and for some reason my MP3 audio just stopped working so I guess I'll go to bed for now.

Finally a lawyer watch out Jackass

2005-08-24T23:52:00.000-04:00

Finally a lawyer, watch out Jackass

22-08-05

Well there is a little bit of good news, if you want to call it that.

At 2:30 this afternoon Steph somewhat solved her lawyer problem.

She was given legal aid's # from one of the lawyers offices she called (still no lawyer wants to take her case) and when they did not call her back, she called and said tat we will be there tomorrow.

So somewhere between the hours of 8:30 to 4:30 she should have some sort of legal advice it not a lawyer to represent her in this matter.

That means that I have to be up in 12 hours from now which means I'm going to bed soon.

I am afraid that the lawyer we end up seeing tomorrow won't touch the case either, or say that it is just better to pay.

I don't get it how after hearing that we have documents saying we don't owe them anything, they say that we should just pay anyway.

The other thing they say is that you should just pay because a lawyer will cost 500 $ when that would still be cheaper and at this point it is also the principal.

The wedding was fun

2005-08-21T22:03:00.000-04:00

The wedding was fun

21-08-05 7:35 pm

Well I have almost fully recovered from the wedding yesterday.

Will showed up just after 12 pm and chilled here at my house.

He was fascinated with my job and asked many good questions and pushed my beliefs and questioned me to as why I do what I do.

We had lunch and then tried to call a taxi.  Our phone was out, and of course the 3 neighbors weren’t home.

We ended up having to go to a neighbors house whom we barley know.  She has a gorgeous gigantic dog named patches.  I like to call him bear because he looks just like a small bear cub.

Anyhow we got to the Italian club a little before the wedding was to start.

It was a nice quick ceremony, but the minister seemed to have no clue what he was doing.

They brought Frankie (Helen and Louie’s child whom is 3 months old or so) down the isle with him sitting on this little push thing tat looked like a fire truck.  Frankie was a total show off.

His first mistake was to not tell people that they could be seated.  We stood for about 1/3 of the ceremony.  Then he mad a bunch of inappropriate comments, and was obviously reading something.

But aside from that it was a nice ceremony, but seemed odd when if you looked in any direction other than strait ahead you saw the dinner tables and bar.

After the ceremony the people left for pictures Steph, Will, and I went to Dairy Queen to kill an hour or so.

We chatted about life, and I drank 32 oz of coke.

We wandered back to the Italian club, and waited around for a few minutes until it was officially "open" handed in our card, and found our table, table # 17.

Shortly after we sat down we got up again to go through the receiving line.

We sat back down and killed about 2 hours until they actually served dinner.

I was stuffed after the 3rd course.  People at the table were amazed that I could eat the hot peppers.

After the 4th course all hell broke loose, and dinner was no longer organized, and people where up and down and all over the place.

Then the dancing started, and the main courses were just hitting the tables.

The music was not my type and Steph was making fun of me.

Will left fairly early.

Steph and I started chatting with various people, and I excused my self be cause I wanted to talk to her privately about how happy I was for her and how I hope everything works out for her.

Well Steph got all upset and Helen went to calm her down.

Steph got calmed down further by myself after she cam back from the washroom.

We continued to talk to people and I had fun talking about the world wide cover up and manipulation.

It was amazing how many of them agreed that they all knew that something was going on but either they were scared to know the truth, or they didn't believe that they couldn't make a difference.

The wedding wound down around 1 am and there was only one incident, and it happened right at the end of the night.

Well that is the abridged version.

I had a great time, and paid for it this morning with a hang over.  I didn't even drink that much but I did not consume nearly enough water.

Then today when Steph woke up she started to panic.  She called tela-health, and spoke to my mom and then became even worse.

We left almost immediately for the clinic, and found out that she has hemorrhoids, and the UC doctor did not want to deal with the problem why we went, and said her family doctor.

Her family doctor (this was after I suggested to Steph that she may have hominoids) told Steph that there was no reason to worry about the bleeding from her ass because there is nothing wrong with her      ass.

Her "complete" physical took 5 minutes.

How hard is it to find a lawyer?

2005-08-21T21:59:00.000-04:00

How hard is it to find a lawyer?

19-08-05  9:55 pm

Just getting ready to listen to Alex  Jones --- ohhh yea he's on

He is in top form tonight.

Anyhow, on with the question - How hard is it to find a lawyer?

The answer is quite hard.  Steph tried all day to find a lawyer and with no success.  The only one who might take her case is on vacation.

I will make sure that by Tuesday she has on.

The problem is that it is such a bizarre case.

I know she'll have a lawyer by Tuesday.

I re read her documents today and I am still convinced that it is paid off.  I should post it and see what other people think.  I know that other people whom have read it all say it indicates that the balance is zero.

Helen gets married tomorrow and while I don't approve, I'm going to support her.

There isn't anything really exciting going on in my life today.  I was really run down and tired and haven't slept well at all.

Oh we did have a massive thunderstorm, with hail and somewhere in the area a twister.  Pretty cool stuff.  No one died and not much damage.

What to ramble on about tonight?

I'm just glad that Charleston is still on the map.  A lot of times by putting things out they don't happen.

La La Lawsuit

2005-08-19T13:39:00.000-04:00

La La Lawsuit

18-08-05  10:20 pm

Well I'll start off with the ongoing harassment by Nordon Collections agency.

Today BS called saying that Steph had to pay today.

Steph told him that according to her bankruptcy trustee she was not discharged from them yet.

BS then told Steph that the bankruptcy trustee told him that Steph was discharged and when Steph spoke with the trustee they had not yet updated their computer files.

Steph then called her trustee and was told by her trustee that she was not discharged by the trustee.

She then called BS back, and BS said that was not what the trustee told him and that she has to pay today.  Steph then pulled put a letter that said she has 5 days to pay from receipt of the letter.  Quickly BS changed his tune and she now has until Wednesday next week.

Top that off with Steph telling him yesterday that he is not to call her until she is fully discharged from her trustee.

With that development and realizing that he is breaking the law and not caring we're left with no choice.

Tomorrow Steph is going to contact a few lawyers and hopefully by tomorrow night she will have a lawyer.

To me there seems to be two separate issues at this point.

One is the illegal contact, and harassment by BS from Nordon Collection Agency, two whether or not Steph owes any money.

I suggested to Steph that she start a media campaign as well to let people know about the illegal actions of the collection agency but she doesn't want to do that.

Kitchen update day # 117 - T was here today to go over what is left and what needs to be done and all the little flaws along the way.

There was some good news is that the cabinet for over the fridge is the right size and colour.  The bad news is that one of the drawers may not match the rest of the drawers.  That is still being looked into.

Fuck I never thought it would be so hard to ship a package.

The post office told me yesterday that I could ship the package no problem.

Well today when we brought it in after about an hour I was told that they couldn't ship it because it was too big.

We dragged it to the FedEx depot and what a pain in the ass.  We were originally told that the package was too large to ship.

During this time Steph took it upon herself to repeat verbatim my personal feelings for certain people.  The types of things that when you tell someone you don't expect to be repeated in public.

Did I ever feel embarrassed.  I swear sometimes I wonder if Steph has a brain, or is able to think properly and despite the many talks we've had about what is appropriate to say in public and what isn't, she never seems to learn, despite telling me over and over again.  It is like a two year old who has no concept of what’s right

Eventually they sorted out the problem.  It turned out to be a problem with the computer software.

Other than that nothing else really happened today, or anything that exciting

Steph was told by her mother that she has to go away with her parent to some family thing.

Steph said that we (both Steph and I) will need a way down there and that we can't leave until after 1 pm.

Her mom replied that you (implying Steph only) can take the bus, or train.

Steph told me this and my response was "go if you want but I'm not going because obviously I'm not invited".

That got Steph mad and upset.  She told me she would take me as her guest.  I again said no, and if anyone asks why I'm not there that it is because her mom didn't invite me and made it obvious she didn't want me to go.

Steph said that she is going to talk to her mom tomorrow.

Even if Steph goes, I'm not at this point.  Steph has no idea how she is going to get there as she has no money at all, and I'm not giving her a cent for this trip.  She told me she wouldn't ask for money for this trip.

Where to begin tonight.

2005-08-18T01:48:00.000-04:00

17-08-05 11:16 pm

I'll start off with the doctors.

As we entered the clinic some one recognized me. I haven't seen this guy since high school and not only did he recognize me instantly, he pointed out that I haven't changed at all.

It was a great little visit and as it turns out both he and his fiancé don't really have another couple to hang out and do things with.

The bonus is that both of them are fascinated with my work/obsession with combating the new world order.

The doctors wasn't bad. Dr L laughed at me a bit when I told him that I didn't want any medication and a period of 6 months to get eating healthy and exercising.

He also told me that it could improve with proper diet and exercise.

Both blood sugar and cholesterol were lower, and I am at very high risk for getting type 2 diabetes within 5 years so he said.

Then he said that with diet and exercise I could treat it just as well.

Steph confronted her harassing collections agent tonight.

She told him that she knows he lied to her. The collections agent shrugged it off as no big deal, and then tried to get her to pay. Steph stood her ground and told him about 8 times she wasn't going to talk to him and for him to call her bankruptcy trustee. The collection agency said that there was no point because all she would say is that she was not discharged. Finally he got the message and hung up.

She was so scared she was shaking. She managed to stand up for herself.

It always amazes me when people say good things about me.

I just try to be myself and be a good person, and treat people the way I want to be treated.

I don't think that I do anything special, or out of the ordinary but for some reason people perceive me as doing something special or out of the ordinary.

If you want to convert me, don't be rude to me

2005-08-17T02:25:00.000-04:00

16-08-08 10:20 pm

I got up later than I wanted to and started reading about the cashless society control grid.

Then the Mormons came.

One of the missionaries asked me about my day, and so I told them that I was scared for humanity and in particular the terrorism drills in Charleston South Carolina. It is a nuclear drill and a rumor floating around that it may go live.

I went into a little more detail and sister F interrupted me and said something to the effect that I was one of those conspiracy types.

She didn't believe that I could have official government documents. Apparently she has never heard of the freedom of information act or access to information act. Of course she also tried to convince me that Nice is in Italy and not France.

She then tried to lecture me about how they were not here to talk about politics, and some other stuff.

Sister F has so much negativity just dripping out of every pore.

She also loves to cut off and interrupts the missionaries and tries to take over the show.

I have tried so hard not to be tough with her but today I did, and managed to keep my cool as well. I really did want to ask her to leave.

I was impressed at how I bit my tongue when she made the comment that "marriage is a hard thing". I really wanted to tell her it shouldn't be.

The poor missionaries were shocked at our exchange.

Meeting with them went well, and next Monday we're going to another Mormons house to see another point of view.

When we were talking about how God and faith and exchanged stories.

I pointed out how god helps me crack through the lies and misinformation in the fight against world wide tyranny.

While I was describing it (again through interruption) Sister F questioned me about how it helps the world.

I pointed out my feelings and she retorted that it sounds just like the missionaries.

I am going to ask the missionaries if it's possible for her not to come back because she just exudes negativity and is a constant interruption. I will point out that sister S is still welcome in my home.

I'm getting my exercise tomorrow. Well ordering it so I should have it in a few days. I'm excited.

I see the doctor tomorrow for my test results. Of course I know that I don't need medication, I need proper diet and exercise.

I know that my dr will push medication, and we'll end up fighting over it. I am going to try for a six month grace period and then retest to see if there is an improvement. I am 99% sure there will be a huge positive increase.

Trying to railroad my girlfriend

2005-08-16T01:33:00.000-04:00

Monday, August 15 2005 10:42 pm

Steph got a phone call today that really upset the two of us.

It was from a creditor who says she has until Thursday to pay 995.01 $. This despite Steph having documents saying she owes no money on this account.

He wanted Steph to pay this money without her having any documentation, or in writing information on this matter.

The best part is that we know he has lied to us, and us breaking the law by contacting her as she is not discharged from her bankruptcy trustee yet.

It baffles my mind that this person whom is inflexible, and unable to talk to with out his threatening, rude tones.

I told Steph that she is to tell him that she is aware that he has lied to her and is breaking the law and if he contacts her again before she is discharged it will be considered harassment and dealt with accordingly.

That was how I started my day today.

The rest of the day was rather slow. I found out that it is okay now to ship the package of stuff that he wants sent to him. I'm going to do that some time this week.

We've decided not to go to TKH's jack and Jill in two weeks, and I'm probably not going golfing either given my knee is still really bothering me.

I picked out my exercise bike and should get it in the next few days. Then comes the hard part, using it for any length of time.

It is one of those reclining seat type ones so that I can sit down comfortably and watch TV or listen to Alex Jones in comfort.

Yay sunny sent me her # and I can't wait to call her. I should call Diane again one of these days too. Maybe I will right now.

Awe damnit answering machine.

I'm afraid it is too late to call sunny.

Dare I try amber whom is never home when I try to call? Hang on let me see.

Damnit the mail box to Amber is full.

That means no one to talk to tonight.

Now that I have been 30 for a month, I feel like I'm not going anywhere.

The one thing that I am really passionate about is so obscure and hard to do.

My one passion is political commentary. That sounds dry and boring but my love is things like telling how in the next election the republican candidate will be Arnold swatziniger, or how the new license plate stickers will have RFID chips so the can track where and how you drive.

I have exposed the fraud behind the flu shot, and how autism is related to the multiple vaccines given to babies and/or up to adults.

Why I haven't written in a while

2005-08-15T04:00:00.000-04:00

Monday July 15 2005 3:20 am

Last week some time I sliced off a finger tip and typing has been next to impossible.

It has yet to heal to anywhere near typing ability and I can not two finger type.

Not that a lot has been going on in my life.

Before I defingertiped my finger (on my left hand - the one between my pinky and fuck finger) I was away at my relatives PCPBM cottage over night.

It was a great time. Drank way too much, but had a great time both with my aunts and uncles and my cousins. I think I may have successfully broken through the age barrier.

Oh, as of a few days ago I became a step uncle. KDB had their baby. Just a few weeks before the head back home (they both teach in the Dominican Republic).

I think that is all the really exciting news. I have a close to state of the art voice dictation software, and I have no idea why I haven't installed it yet.

My poor finger tip. I was cutting a rather dry sausage with a brand new knife. I didn't even know I had cut myself until I felt and saw the blood.

Steph the PSW was no help, and pretty much sat in the floor going white and looked like she was the injured one going through shock.

Thankfully I can keep my head in a crisis and managed to first aid myself perfectly.

Of course after the bleeding stopped I took off the dressing and realized immediately my mistake (and went against my training as well) as the finger again started to pour blood.

It has now been sealed in a bandage which yet has come off due to the fact that it is part of the rather large scab that now encompasses my finger tip.

It was our three year anniversary on Saturday. Steph cooked dinner all by her self.

We both had vegetables in a cheese sauce and a baked potato, I had a chicken cordon blue, and Steph made herself a chicken brest stuffed with spinach. She always tells me she can't cook.

I found an exercise bike and will hopefully get it this week.

I am seeing my doctor on Wednesday, and going to request no medication at this time and see how six months of serious exercise and proper eating habits affect my blood sugar and cholesterol levels.

Helen gets married this week and I feel sorry for her at this point.

She is marring some one she doesn't like (never mind love), who treats her with no love or respect. She is getting married because she wants a family and that is the only reason. I want to object at her wedding so badly. I could talk for over an hour on why they should not be married.

I think that is all that is going on right now, or at least all I'm going to write about as it is nearly 4 am and I am actually feeling tired (not really but I need to sleep some time).
This is one time I am glad I can tap entries out on my PDA, even the keyboard would not help with this one.

I can’t believe my ears sometimes

2005-08-05T07:25:00.000-04:00

In a few hours I head back to the clinic to get some blood work done. Hopefully the sugar and cholesterol levels are fairly normal. Of course I know I need to exercise more and stop eating pizza so I doubt they will be.

I buried Athena the degu yesterday in my front garden. She is under the plant on the far right at the back. It is right next to the globe cedar. Hopefully the plant survives. I’m not very good at gardening (hence all the perennials).

It was another scorcher yesterday at 42 C or 114 F.

My mom again baffles me. Yesterday she was nice enough to take me to pick up frozen foods on her way home from work in a torrential down pour. Then she starts talking to me about how I owe her money and I should pay her now because her cash flow is bad this month due to a down payment on a new house.

She tells me she knows this month is going to be tight with two weddings and other functions to attend, and then tells me that I have to pay her. She doesn’t ask, she tells me.

She told me that we should settle up this Friday, to which I replied I agreed to do it when the bill comes. She retreated a little bit, and wined about not having much money. I told her that I know the bill was 196.00 USD and I’ll pay her 200 $ now and the rest of the exchange rate when the bill comes. She agreed to that.

Then I suggested that we should go to Jacks Fillin station again sometime and she tells me “when you save up your money”

She can be incredibly rude to me sometimes and I don’t thinks he realizes it. She always calls me greedy and self centered (who isn’t at some point) but seems to think that she isn’t. It’s just really frustrating particularly when I catch her in a lie, she changes her story, and I call her on it and she tries to dig herself out of it. And she wonders where I got that from.

I’m not sure how I feel about going away this weekend. It is one of those things that as soon as I get there I’ll have fun. I never enjoy the journey, I like the end results. I just dread it being 40 C and having no air condition at night.

The Mormons are coming today and I have prepared a few questions. They are never going to convert me. But I figure I can help them with their job as missionaries at least. After all they are nice people. I really like their views on family, but the rest of it is the same as any other religion or cult.

I am so hungry. I have to fast and have been since about 6:30 last night. I fell asleep and didn’t get up until about 5 so I can’t eat. When I come home I’m having pizza, unless I can talk someone in to going to Jacks Fillin Station for some wings. I bet that they would murder my body given I have had no food now for 11 hours, and by the time I eat closer to 15.

Oh time to go make a urine sample.

Lecture from the doctor

2005-08-04T06:52:00.000-04:00

Well yesterday was my “lecture” from the doctor on my bad eating and exercising habits.

I found out that while I am totally healthy in 99.99997% my blood sugar and cholesterol is rather high.

My blood sugar is nearly double a healthy level at 11 which surprised everyone I’ve told. My doctor even wonders if there was a mistake made at the lab.

My cholesterol was in total 8.29 which again is nearly double a normal level. The only good news was that my LDL (healthy cholesterol) was extremely high.

There was a little girding of my knee joint but not enough to really worry about. I believe he used the phrase slightly above average for someone my age.

The talk went the way I though it would be. I eat too much pizza and don’t get enough exercise. The only surprise was that if my blood sugar stays that high then I’ll be sent to a diabetic clinic to learn about healthy eating. Now I have already taken a class on it, but I’ll go again anyway.

Other than that not much has been going on in my life. I have been reading a hell of a lot and more and more information on the mastermind behind the 7/7 bombing in London is coming out and it all points to him being a British intelligence agent.

I still haven’t heard from P or C about taking the appliances they said they wanted, and they are leaving in a little more than a week. They were supposed to come get them by now, and this party we are going to on the weekend at their cottage was supposed to be the weekend they come and take them. Who knows?

I’ll find someone who needs a perfectly good gigantic fridge, microwave, and stove. The only reason I got rid of them was because they are not stainless steel. I do want them out of my house come winter time so I can park my SUV out of the snow.

I can’t believe how much I slept yesterday. I went to bed at like 6:30 pm and I just got up now at it’s 5:55 am.

I wish I had more on my mind these days.

Oh I did pick up a book on astral projection yesterday. I went to one of my favourite stores Age of Aquarius and talked with one of the owners there. She’s really nice. Always given me good advice in the past.

I need to start writing again. I have a few articles I’m working on but I can’t find the information I know is out there and it is frustrating the crap out of me. Most of the articles I want are UPI (united press international), Jerusalem Post, and AP (associated press) which talk about hamas being founded by the mossad (Israeli intelligence) and how the Israeli’s kidnap and train young children to be suicide bombers, give them the equipment and/or finances to carry out an attack on Israel. This was admitted and I have read them. Dumb ass me never saves things like that, and they seem to mysteriously vanish and the links I have to them are invalid.

I’m not sure I like this book I started reading on astral projection. It just seems overly negative. Don’t do this, you can’t do that, don’t do it this way. I’m sure it will work out in the end.

Well almost time to start breakfast. Part of my problem is that I am about to make pizza for breakfast, not the healthiest choice but for me it is really my dinner time, given my messed up schedule. I do know I’ll be having a healthy lunch and dinner so it all does work out in the end.

Kitchen renovations day 100 + pic of moi

2005-07-31T12:59:00.000-04:00

Before I begin my entry I have to talk about the kitchen renovations, simply because it baffles me how people can’t seem to get very simple things right.

I’ll start off with the knobs that were totally wrong on the original shipment over 3 months ago. Well they are wrong again. They are all the right kind, but 2 short; thankfully not a major problem just frustration.

The replacement drawer is 3 inches too long which may or may not be the problem as I’m not sure if it is the drawer that needs replacing or the face plate on the current drawer (I think that is what is warped, I suggested that and told I was wrong. It is a gut feeling so chances are I’m right. An interesting test of my instincts)

The replacement face plate for the one that was wrong (how can you ship something with 3 of the 4 drawers matching in the first place? Talk about bad quality control) is still wrong. The new one I got is identical to the one I have now.

Thankfully the cupboard that goes above the fridge is the right colour, but I am unsure about the size and will find that out tomorrow.

So to recap. I have waited 2 months for a shipment of replacement parts to finish the kitchen and at least 3 of the 4 are wrong and the 4th one can not be verified yet.

To top it off I still have no word as to when the trim and crown moulding is coming so the wait is still indefinite.

The only ray of good news is that the blind seems to fit, and I haven’t fully unwrapped it but the colour seems right as well. I do have a mild fear that it will be a few millimetres too big. I’ll find out on (I think) Thursday when they come and install it.

I’m calling the kitchen lady tomorrow and not sure I’m going to bring up litigation at this point, but I’m sure before the kitchen is done that may end up happening over the unnecessary damage done to my wall by the electrician.

Today was quite the day. I ended up going to bed at about 8 am for an hour of sleep. Then it was time to get ready to go to the Mormon Church.

I have to admit I was a bit astonished that when I showed up pretty much everyone knew Steph’s and I’s names. During the service this one guy (He was a head missionary or something like that, I can’t remember) started talking about how the Christian church is primarily founded on pagan traditions, and customs.

It amazed me that something I have been saying for years was being said in a church. For a moment it made me forget that this was an organized religion.

I talked with him after and he knows my uncle who is a Mormon and is going to be having dinner and staying over night at his house in September.

Then we went to investigate it further and sat in on a few classes and that’s when I came back to reality. They were trying to tell me that the profit has total control, speaks on god’s behalf, and will never steer the church wrong so we should blindly follow him.

That brought back all the red flags and bad feelings I had been having. I can not believe that you have to have a go between, between god and yourself. That one point is a deal breaker. There are a few other things that so far have yet to be explained but I refuse to put my spiritual well being in the hands of someone other than myself.

We got home much later than I wanted to, or though we would. Nearly gone for 4 hours.

Ate, and then I took a nap while Steph stayed up.

She woke me up at one point, feeling all weird and thinking she was having a heart attack. I pointed out that it was probably an anxiety or panic attack, got her to do deep breathing and in about 15 minutes or so she started feeling better.

We got up and had sandwiches, and watched some MASH, and then I was cornered and not wanting to let me get up I took a nap. I woke up to Steph being weirder than ever, and now I’m here writing this.

It has been a strange day today. Steph isn’t tired and it’s nearly 2 am. She is going to have so much trouble adjusting to a normal schedule on Tuesday if she keeps this up.

I get the feeling that she doesn’t really trust me, even thoughts he says she does. She says she knows I will give her the best advice possible but whenever she asks me, she never ever takes it.

Here the picture of me I promised after finishing the chicken wings the other night. I never realized what a messy eater I was until I saw this picture. I laughed my ass off.

A successful celebration of death

2005-07-31T02:20:00.000-04:00

Shortly after 10 pm one year ago tonight my father passed away peacefully, and I was blessed to be a witness to the amazing spiritual event which confirmed many beliefs and feelings I’ve had over the years in my life.

Well it is now 11:32 pm and we are home from dinner at Nice Bistro, and had a great 5 hour dinner.

I tried rilletes (a peasant dish consisting of boiled pork, spices, and other ingredients and served similar to a pate) on toast, along with Quebec apple cider for an appetizer, and then a snitzel cordon bleu (stuffed with ham and brie) and a spectacular bottle of wine. I forgotten the name other than it was labelled XF which stood for extra fruit. I forwent my cesar salad and dessert as I was stuffed after those two courses. I did have a delectable truffle (cappuccino) for dessert and some armagnac, and thought that should have been it, I indulged myself and had another armagnac, some sort of fortified wine (tasted sherry like) which is aged in cognac barrels, and finally to top it off a cappuccino.

Steph had Pommes au Bernard (grilled apples, with feta cheese, tomato, lettuce, with a vinaigrette dressing), the snitzel cordon bleu along with the same wine I had. Dessert consisted of tiramisu, two cappuccinos, and tried the fortified wine (I ended up drinking the bulk of hers) and an almond truffle.

All in all a pretty good night. The cabbie whom we will use whenever possible now as he is a very entertaining, personable, friendly, interesting person, drove us there and back and again entertained us, and told us about going to Las Vegas (I actually want to go now) because I was unaware that Top Gun moved Nellis AFB so on a good night I would get a little bit of a show while sitting on the top of the hotel drinking a pina colada.

I was shocked that the owners remembered where we were sitting the last time we were there with my father. I even remember the chair but it’s hard not to forget that. I guess perhaps he had a bigger effect on them than I thought. Who knows? I do know that he was one of their favourite customers.

Oddly the topic of most of tonight’s dinner was weddings, what I want because Steph found it interesting, and different that I have been planning my wedding for close to 20 years.

I told her that the scaled down version would cost at least one hundred thousand dollars. That I have no idea on location simply because there are not any spectacular cathedrals around where I live.

Most of the money would be at the reception and go to food and the orchestra.

Honeymoons also came up, and while I would love to do the 28 day transatlantic cruise, even better would be a 30 day tour of France, and particularly the burgundy region which is rich and famous with my family’s heritage.

I’ve been sitting here for over 2 hours listing to music (right now the phantom of the opera – original Toronto cast recording) and I have installed the camera drivers so I finally downloaded a bunch of pictures.

There are some pretty good ones. The one of me from my chicken wing expedition few days ago looks hilarious. I never realized how messy I was when I ate chicken wings, and these wings weren’t even extraordinarily saucy.

Pics to come tomorrow since Steph is bored silly, I should go do something with her.

Lil miss poop stain

2005-07-30T16:20:00.000-04:00

Well I’m sitting here trying to think of what to write, I’ll start with the entry title.

Gizmo whom we had to have trimmed because of poo being caught in her fur, and massive knotting can not reach her own but to clean it so if no none else does inevitably stuff builds up and she leaves stains around the house, or on people. Not to mention the smell is now worse than before as it previously was hidden by the fur.

Today was a quite day. I went to bed about 10 am, and got up at 4 pm when the Mormons came to visit. They are an interesting bunch with a very unique view on life and the after life. They are so close to getting it right and at the same time so far. I’m not knocking their beliefs, after all what is important is that it works for you and helps you to find piece and comfort with yourself and life in general.

I have been listing to “the waltz of the flowers” as I write this and I think I know it as another name but I’m not sure.

I have a lot on my mind but nothing wants to come out at this late hour.

Steph is concerned about our dancing abilities for the upcoming social events we have been invited to, and I told her I know how to waltz (I haven’t done it in so long I have forgotten *cries*) and then pointed out that at these peoples events (who are not quite on of the same breeding) probably won’t be much time to waltz, but I pointed out we can adapt it to more bourgeois jungle noise.

Steph keeps asking about marriage. I actually have my dream wedding planned out. *gasps* yes I’m a guy and straight.

I would defiantly hire a wedding planner, and it would be black tie for the reception, I really have to have a chamber orchestra playing throughout dinner and provide for the dancing. There is more but I don’t want to get into all the details.

Part of the dowry is that the bride’s parents pay for the wedding. Well I already know that isn’t going to happen in my case.

Well today a year ago at 10:15 pm my father was pronounced dead. He actually died about 30 minutes earlier but his heard didn’t know to stop beating right away.

Tonight we are going out to dinner to celebrate; just Steph and I. I hope that my father shows up at some point but I probably wouldn’t know if he did or didn’t so I’m not going to hold my breath on that one. Incidentally this was the last restaurant I ever at with my father. It was our favourite one and I haven’t been back since.

I have no idea what I am going to have, all I can say is that there is nothing like the anticipation of a divine meal as that which I will be having in about 12 hours.

Sorry I drifted off for a moment. I was picturing my self waltzing away at hall in Vienna Austria while the orchestra plays on a balcony over looking the dance floor, the dance floor crowded with men in tuxes and ladies in ball gowns.

When is it that the people stopped listening to real music, and not this trash that passes for it today? I can’t even put today’s noise and music in the same sentence without cringing.

I know that there would be very few sad and depressed people. It has been proven that Bach changes a persons electrical currents that surge through there system in an positive way, just as a band like matlica has the opposite effect and actually causes a person to feel miserable.

Of course my theory is that people today (at least the bourgeois, uneducated, cretins) just do not have the attention span, to listen to a 15 minute sonata, nor do they take the time to listen to the music, the subtle changes seem to be lost on them. I don’t blame the people, I blame society for destroying and not giving a chance for the common person to hear, and learn, and appreciate real music. Sadly the same thing has happened with movies. Yea they used to be atrocity acted, and the dialog was predictable and banal but they relied on character building, plots. My how society has fallen the past 200 years or so.

I do know that there are “modern” versions of the classics and various forms of “classical (classical has become a very encompassing term for a variety of music genres)” music which are a good starting point.

Wow I must be tired I just read what I wrote.

Really nothing much exciting happened on Friday. Not much is planed for today other than dinner at Nice Bistro.

Man I have lost all brain foot coordination. I was never outstanding at it, but at least I could move them in the general direction properly.

Surprised me tonight

2005-07-28T22:29:00.000-04:00

I have to say that my mom surprised me tonight. A total 180 degree turn from what I was expecting.

She was gracious, entertaining, talkative, as was Doug and we had a great time. They weren’t even miffed that we went to Jacks Fillin Station. Doug even pointed out that he really liked the name.

I finally after almost a year got to try the best chicken wings in the region (won the contest 5 years in a row and going for their 6th this year in September).

I knew going in that I would have to sign a waver to get the “stupid” sauce as they call it. The head chef came out and tried to talk me out of it, and warned me about the possible side effects, and how some people have reacted to it in the past. I have to say that the guy (who’s name I forget now) was hilarious, funny, personable, and defiantly worth going back just to see him. Just before he left he told Steph that if we’re a couple we should be sleeping in separate rooms tonight, and wished her good luck with me and went away laughing.

The wings came and I tired the first two and I heard the guy in the background saying give it a few minutes. Sure enough a few minutes later sure enough there was the start of a slight heating and burning feeling. Then nothing. They reached their potential heat level and well I was disappointed again. THEY WERE THE BEST WINGS I HAVE EVER HAD but the hot sauce wasn’t quite up to what I though it would be. I was disappointed in the heat aspect but not the taste. All in all I know why they are the best wings in the region, and plan on going there many many more times.

There are some pictures of me before, during, and after my wing expedition that I’ll post as soon as I install my camera.

I didn’t get much sleep today, a mere 2 hours so I’m exhausted. I went to bed about 10 am and from about 12:30 on the phone seemed to ring every couple of minutes. It was so annoying, and mostly telemarketers too who can’t even pronounce my name right.

After dinner we were dropped off at Dr. H’s and shortly there after went in. Steph feels better after one visit compared to the multiple times with DM and not achieving anything.

We took a taxi home and got the best cabbie ever. He played music that everyone liked, and talked like a friend, not someone just making small talk.

All in all it was a good day.

I was going to cremate Athena but it cost l00 $ which is ridiculously expensive for a pocket pet so I’m just going to burry her tomorrow and plant a flower on her grave so I know where she is.

RIP Athena

2005-07-28T06:25:00.000-04:00

Athena my degu died today at about 3:30 am. She is survived by her cage mate Persphonie, Athena (cat not degu), Tigger, Gizmo, Medhea, Steph, and myself.

Percephaine is on top and Athena on the bottom

I guess she lived to about her death age. Degus will live to be 3-9 years in wild and 4-9 years in captivity. I’ve had her for about 3 give or take a few months.

There really isn’t much more to say about this other than I wish I had given them more attention. I had just gotten them trained to eat out of my hand and now I have to help the other one through this loss.

I don’t know what I’m going to do about finding Persphonie a cage mate or just let her live out her life in solitude. She could live another 6 years or die next week. I do know that I am defiantly going to give her more attention now that she’s alone.

I have to move the cage to some place more central. The problem I have is they make a huge mess throwing their chips everywhere and it becomes a pain in the ass to clean off a carpet. The room I would keep her in would be carpeted.

I don’t know at this point I’m just rambling.

How rude is this?

2005-07-27T20:43:00.000-04:00

Okay I have been not writing about this for the last few days hoping to calm down but know what I haven’t. In fact I am more livid now than when it first transpired.

A little bit of background first so what happened over the past few days makes some sense.

My mother divorced my father and married Doug, but before that was having an affair with Doug behind my fathers back for about two years.

This Saturday which is the 30th of July is the one year anniversary of my father’s death.

Last week I invited my mother out to dinner on Saturday with Steph and I to celebrate my fathers passing. We have had these reservations for close to a month and I do not want to change them as the owners of the restaurant wish to celebrate it with us.

Now the disgusting exploit of the past few days

On Monday my mother called me asking if I still wanted to go out for dinner to celebrate my fathers passing and of course I said yes, that I was.

My mother then said great, and asked if Thursday was good. I said yes, seeing as how I figured my mother wasn’t going to make the 30 minute drive on Saturday to go out for dinner.

My mom then said great, Doug will be coming into town that day as well so the 4 of us can go out and celebrate, and since you’re buying you can pick the restaurant.

With my mouth dragging on the ground I managed to get out an okay and carry on with the rest of the conversation trying to figure out how she had the guts to invite not only herself out, but Doug on my dime, and insultingly bring her husband to her ex-husbands memorial dinner. Near the end of the conversation my mother told me in a somewhat snotty voice that if I couldn’t afford it they could always pay for their own, but if I was paying then I could pick the restaurant.

While yes I am loaded, currently I only receive 1,200 $ a month and can take out of the trust fund up to 2,000 $ unless of an emergency. Somehow dinner just doesn’t qualify as an emergency (at least in my view). Of course my mother is the one in charge of my million dollar trust fund and knows how much I have at any given time.

After the conversation I told Steph what had happened and she became livid, wondering how my mother had so much balls to be insulting, and rude. Not only by inviting herself out to dinner, but bringing her ex-husband with out even asking the son (me) she had with her ex-husband totally disregarding his (my) feelings.

After some ranting and raving I came up with the plan of cooking something for them. I already had 4 bacon wrapped fillet mignion and all the rest of the stuff to cook a gourmet dinner at home.

The next day my mom called me and told me that while that was a good idea cooking for dinner she had some bad news. She said that Doug wouldn’t want to come here because he’s allergic to cats and if I wanted to cancel the dinner I could but they would really like to go out to dinner with us. She then told me that it didn’t have to be at Nice (as in Nice France) Bistro if I couldn’t afford it because I could always take them there when I get my riches, but again said that if I paid for the dinner, I could choose any restaurant I want.

I was feeling even more insulted than before, Now why is she lying to me about the cats? I know that Doug is not allergic to cats. I have offered kittens to them many times and she told me that they couldn’t take them because one of Doug’s children is allergic to them, and that Doug hates cats. I even have asked if he is allergic and I was told no. Steph’s dad who is allergic to cats has visited 4 times, and we have made every effort to de-cat the house. Her dad can only stay for a few hours, before he can’t see or breathe because his allergies are so bad, but at least he makes an effort.

On Wednesday she came to take me to get some frozen food because I have let my SUV to some relatives for the summer since they are in Canada for only a few months of the year. During this trip, she kept asking me if I needed to go to the bank (I owe her some money and have told her repeatedly I will pay her when the bill arrives), and if I had any money on me because she needs money. Then after we got the groceries and were sitting in my driveway she again brought up dinner. First she asked me if I had chosen a restaurant and I said no. Then I was told that if we weren’t going I needed to tell her so that Doug knows whether to come in to work with my mom on Thursday. I told her trying to sound as polite as possible but I know frustrating and anger came through my voice that we were still going out and because I’m paying I get to pick the restaurant. She also again brought up Nice Bistro and how that would be a good place to go and if we did go there she guesses that her and Doug could pay for their own.

That was the last time I talked to her. I’m surprised she hasn’t called me today and it is nearly 8 pm.

I want to cancel the dinner, or make them pay for their own. My mother however will use that against me later on.

She will tell you she won’t hold it against me and will deny pretty much everything in this email, but my mother is good at getting away with this gold digging, putting me down, and later denying it so that I look like an ungrateful son bull shit.

It amazes me how she can get away with it time and time again and if I ever call her on it, I’m self centered, rude, inconsiderate, mean, ungrateful… well you get the idea. She also will always find a way to twist it around to make me feel guilty later and end up getting something.

Well I have learned her scam, and know the game now. I have in fact chosen a restaurant. I had within hours of finding out she didn’t want to come here. At first I wanted to take her to McDonalds but I wouldn’t be able to withstand the food so I picked a place I have always wanted to try which while on the same par as McDonalds is supposed to have some of the best chicken wings in the region. At least tomorrow night I’ll be enjoying my meal. I can’t wait to see their faces when I tell them.

If they give me any shit I’ll just acknowledge her opinion, and then remind her that she said I could pick the restaurant. If she pipes up again, I’ll tell her fine we won’t go there, I’ll cook dinner and if you don’t want to come well I guess we won’t be eating together. Any more problems and I’ll just walk away after politely telling her how rude she has been.

Of course if we don’t go to dinner I’ll never hear the end of it, I’ll be belittled, and made to feel bad because of all the times they invited me out to dinner (the exception being that I never invited myself or told them they were paying), and times we had dinner at their place (again, I was always invited and never invited myself or anyone else to their place without asking them).

I would love to ask them if they treat Doug’s kids this way, or if it’s because they know how much money I have and how I refuse to eat no where but the finest restaurants.

I had a therapeutic breakthrough a few months ago and continue to progress daily. All these repressed memories of my mother when I was a child (when I would have seen my mother as an all knowing and wise goddess) and believing everything your mother says, as well as the negative ways I was treated, and belittled, and told what to do and how to act which was not me at the time nor is it now.

She seems to attempt to stifle any happiness and personal growth I am doing as an adult through the same psychologically damaging but undetectable means unless you are a keen observer and have a grasp of the inner workings of the human mind.

I’m convinced that my mother loves me as a son and hates me as a person.

I can't effin sleep

2005-07-17T16:13:00.000-04:00

16/07/05 2:43 am

I fell asleep around midnight, and have been awake for the better part of an hour now.

LOL I even ran a gag op (grab and go operation) and pilfered some Oreo cookies from downstairs without waking anyone up.

It is so damn hot in here that the cream center of the Oreo’s is melted.

I wish I knew why I couldn't sleep. I sleep best in cold weather, and combine that with my sore joints and I'll wager that's the reason.

It doesn't help that there is no air movement in this room either. I have become accustom the fan on full blast while I sleep.

Looking back on the past few days of my 20's I guess I could say they haven't been that bad.

My only complaint is that people need to have the air conditioning on in their houses.

I enjoy hot weather but when I'm outside, not melting inside. I couldn't even walk around my grandmas in my boxers as I do at home.

I can't wait to get home, to a nice 72 degree house, and a comfortable bed and sleep.

I know I would be sleeping at home, or at least able to be writing this in OD, and reading my favs.

When I get my new palm pilot, I'm definitely getting a keyboard for it. Taping shit out on the built in keyboard is slow and hurting the eyes holding it as close to my face as I am.

2:53 AM

Well I’m home now, and fucking mother of god do I have some stories to tell.

First off it’s now officially my 30th birthday day.

Steph somehow over the last two days broke two plates. The first one she wasn’t paying attention and it was on top of another plate she wanted, the plate slipped off and smashed into my mothers dishwasher.

The second one she broke today. I get a knock on the bathroom door while I’m getting ready to shower, and when I open it see her holding a plate, one half in each hand. I started to laugh and she yelled at me about how it wasn’t funny, and she felt bad. I asked her why she was trying to nuke a fairly old glass plate, and she told me she didn’t know.

Long story short, she did know; she was trying to nuke bacon on a glass plate (which was too small for a strip of bacon. Alas she survived and the horrid person that is my grandmother killed her and ate her brains for lunch. Oh wait, my grandmother laughed, and told steph not to worry because accidents happen all the time. Just as I predicted would happen.

I nearly lost it on my mother today. She treats my grandmother as an invalid, doing things, or volunteering me to do things for her, even when my grandmother says no repeatedly.

My grandmother; last time I visited her, asked me why my mom treats her like she can’t do anything for herself.

I do have lots of pictures to share but I’ll put them up tomorrow.

We left Kingston around 1 pm and got to Picton about 3. My mom got lost, and can’t tell the difference between a road and a driveway.

I did learn a lot about my uncle PM when we went mattress shopping,

It was an interesting experience. The sales clerk had no idea what he was doing, and to top it off gave Pete over 200 $ in free shit.

We went back to their cottage, which is a nice little cozy place on the lake.

Thankfully there was no surprise party, and no one really made a fuss, other than my grandmother wanting to buy me a muscle shirt, thankfully she ended up getting me socks. Really good socks, which I’ll wear for 6 months straight. There is something wrong in this world when one sock costs 20 $.

It was good to see my cousins again, and I had a great time, however short at their camp, cottage, or whatever the fuck you call it.

They are coming down to pick up their appliances in a week or two so I may go back down there with them for a few days of fun, sun, really bad volleyball, and poker.

That reminds me, steph… remind me to teach you how to play poker so you know next time.

Steph says I need to go to bed, see how when I hit the old age of 30 people think you loose your mind and start telling you what to do. I swear no respect for the elderly anymore.

At grandmas

2005-07-17T16:09:00.000-04:00

15/07/05 9:48 pm

Fuck I'm tired

I didn't fall asleep until close to seven am, and was up at around eleven am.

I had lunch, and listened to the first hour of Alex Jones live on the shortwave.

Fucking thing kept changing channels on me, and when on the right channel came in fairly clearly, back home it doesn't come in at all.

I still can't believe that it came in so clearly last night.

It didn't even come close to working in the car, and I don't think it will come in at all here at my grandma's

We left my moms around one pm and fucking jebus what a shitty driver.

I told her I had to piss, so she starts driving under the speed limit, and I swear jerking the car more. Someone needs to teach her not to slam on the brakes while doing 100.

We did manage to get here safely, unlike some poor family who we saw. They were squished in their car which was under their boat. Some how the car flipped and the trailer and sail boat landed on top of them.

My grandma is doing well. She seems a little confused and forgetful at times but who isn't?

No big highlights. We drove around Kingston for a bit and I took pictures out the window. Nothing exciting.

My mom said that she got my great aunt Josie to fill out some family tree information, but isn't sure where she put it.

I miss the internet, and the news, and OD. I swear this has been the longest I've been away from it in about 2 year’s lol.

Steph and my mom went swimming and since I got dragged along, I have get even photos to share.

What else is there to write about?

My life is really boring. Is that what happens when you get old or is it just me. Fuck I need more excitement in my life.
When the kitchen is done, maybe I should go backpacking around Australia for a year or something.

I am going back to work, I'm calling my agent on Monday. I think. I may wait until the country goes off holidays in September.

Outside my grandma's building it smells like cow crap.

On birthday vacation

2005-07-17T16:07:00.000-04:00

Thurs, July 14 2005 10:58 pm

I'm sitting here at my moms listening to Alex Jones from www.infowars.com and wanted to get some thoughts out.

Damnit, I have the hickups.

That’s better.

I think my mothers starting to wake up and see the world as it really is, and not as the perception that people believe.

She doesn't think that I'm nuts, and since things I said a year ago are now coming true, and tying up things that do not make since.

Dinner was good, and we gave steph some interview advice and advice in what to do with the rittalan question.

Dinner was good, and we all talked and at times I went on and my mom seemed interested and curious. It helps that I use official government documents to back up what I say. I use their own documents against them.

I can't wait to get home. I'm going to my grandmothers tomorrow, and aunt Cathy’s on Saturday.

The evening broadcast of Alex Jones on shortwave 3215 is coming in very clearly. I'm thrilled.

There are no real problems with my blood work, but my sugars, and closteral is slightly elevated. I'm not overly worried about that but my knees, fingers, and elbows are extremely sore. The 40 c (104 f) plus temperatures seem to make it seriously worse.

I have no idea what I really accomplished in the past 30 years of my life, and have been thinking what ifs,

The biggest what if I have is what of I went to private school. Out of all the things I did and didn't do, that is the one that bothers me the most.

But I am looking ahead, not back.

Where will I be 30 years from now? I have no Idea.

Even the next year (by the time I'm 31). Probably not married, and no kids. I would like to be back acting, writing regularly, maybe even my own radio show, or TV show exposing the truth. I hope there are no terrorist attacks in the Toronto area and that I am fully prepared just incase. The problem is I may not be safe being sandwiched between 2 nuclear power plants. Either on is less than 10 miles from me.

I had a strange dream. A friend from OD moved in with steph and I. I wonder if it is normal to have dreams like that.

I’m leaving

2005-07-14T04:28:00.000-04:00

I’m about to go away for a few days. My mother is dragging me away for my birthday. While I really don’t think there is any surprise parties planed, part of me thinks there is.

I hate surprise parties. First of all, they are never a surprise. Secondly I hate surprises, thirdly I hate celebrating my birthday.

So the plan is leave here tomorrow, spend the day at my moms Friday and go to my grandmothers and some other relatives, then come home either late Saturday night or Sunday.

I have been having a fucking hard time writing in here, it seems that whenever I have an inspiration, I’m away from the computer and away from my palm pilot, leaving me with no way to write down what I’m thinking at the time. I have lost a bunch of good entries the last few days that way.

This could be my very last entry I’ll write in my 20’s from my home computer at least. I’ll probably only have my palm the next few days which means when everything gets posted I’ll be in to my third decayed.

I just though I lost all my entry when my computer froze up. I had been doing that the odd time even after I formatted it. I think I know which program is causing the problem. But it makes for a real pain in my ass when this was (thanks to auto recovery I didn’t loose this one) the 3rd entry I lost in 3 days. Another reason why I haven’t written in here.

I’ll probably write an entry looking back and looking forward while I can’t sleep one night. I know it is something I probably should do considering I never thought I’d see 30.

Anyhow I’m excited because I have someone special to call on my birthday *giggles* I can’t wait. That’s my big birthday plans LOL.

Family coat of arms

2005-07-13T06:09:00.000-04:00

I finally have a copy of my family’s coat of arms. It isn’t the best one out there but it is my coat of arms and I’m proud to know what it looks like and display it. In my opinion there should be a lion, or other beast on it, not three triflowers.

I still love it, and is cool to know that that it represents line of destinquished (and bad spellers) going back to 1100's AD

Mom2some

2005-07-12T02:42:00.000-04:00

So tonight after about a month of delays I finally called Mom2some.

It was an intersting phone call, I'm not sure she could belive that I actualy called her.

It was odd calling someone who's live I've read so much about, even envyed at times, but never heard her voice or had any idea what her real personality was like.

I have toe tell you that she is a total sweetie. Funny, strange, smart, a bit of a cowpoke LOL, I was amazed to learn that she enjoys cigars.

I hope I get a chance to talk to her again. I was nice and didn't ramble on even though I wanted to at times.

Her voice was differnt than I expected, and had a hint of a very cool accent.

Wow I'm exsuasted, I had to format my computer and it's 2:30 am and time for bed. I just wanted to get this down before I went to bed but wasn't able to write until now since I'm an idiot and didn't realize i could have typed this directy into my OD.

Boogers always fall into my drinks

2005-07-10T02:23:00.000-04:00

I just feel so strange tonight. Whenever I get up the room I’m in seems to start spinning and I get a light headed feeling at the top of my head. Not normal. I’ve never felt it before.

If I didn’t know better I’d say I’m being attacked with some sort of ultra secret brain wave fuckerupper thing… LOL

Anyhow,

My computer is being a total bitch and I’m finally going to break down and have to reformat it and start fresh. This always seems to happen to me once a year or so. I am not sure what causes it, and it is really annoying but I don’t mind. I enjoy fixing computers.

Steph read one of the previous things in my OD about my views on the London bombing and told me how well I write. I always though that she had read other articles I’ve written. I told her that the one she had read wasn’t even that good, just something I whipped off while waiting for the backsplash to be done. I never submitted it, nor did I send it too my mother. I didn’t see the point after being called a terrorist for having my own mind and seeing the world differently than most people.

I don’t know why I stopped writing. I have articles all over the net, on various sites and some of them have had pretty good reviews by various people. I used to get a rush out of seeing www.infowars.com or www.prisonplanet.com (the two a lot of my articles are one). Then one day I just decided to stop, and for close to two years didn’t write anything.

After what Steph said I’m starting to get a taste for it again, and feel that rush and desire to get the word out.

In school I was paid to write other peoples papers for them because I can do it so well. The deal was they give me the research and I write it. I think that is the problem here, I have to do the research, and putting together. I am thinking about writing an article on the roots of terrorism. It was something that I was always interested in since I was a little kid, and if my parents hadn’t discouraged me from taking an interest in something “evil and unnormal for a 12 year old” who knows who I would be today, probably on the lecture circuit making 10,000 $ a speech.

I need to start doing something with my life again. I have done nothing for almost a year now and am starting to go stir crazy. Genealogy is a great hobby and I love it but I need something to fill the rest of my time.

My birthday is on Sunday so now Steph isn’t going to go away for the weekend. I keep telling her to go if she wants to. I mean I’m not planning anything special, and truly hoping that no one else is either.

Every so often I am reminded and pulled towards writing and exposing the absolute and total corruption, and attempt to take over the planet by a few powerful, uber wealthy, psychotic, megalomaniacs, individuals.

It just burs me to the core, gets me all fired up, and really pissed off. That’s why I used to write about it all the time, it draws out passion and fire in me that not much else can or does.

I’m thinking of starting my own website devoted to the cause. Of course it will cost me a fortune since I would have to run my own server. Most free ones now a day come with a Terms of Service contract that forbids you from bashing governments of any nature.

LOL see what I mean, I started and intended to write a two lines or so and it ended up being a rambling, enraging few paragraphs.

My life has a meaning and a point. I have been pissing myself off trying to discover what it was, and worrying about if I’m with the right person, does this wine taste better or worse than the other vintage, what to wear to the symphony, instead of focusing on what matters, defending truth, and justice, making sure that all humans are treated equally, children are not force drugged under a guise of it being for there benefit, trying to fathom why parents feed their kids processed foods, and sugars, and baby sit them with TV, and then wonder why their children are fat, lazy, dumb, and the first generation ever to be expected to do worse than their parents.

I will never understand how people just say that “well I don’t care, I follow the law so it won’t effect me”, or don’t care and just sit there watching their rights evaporate into thin air.

No one seems to care that journalists are being put in jail for doing their jobs, or that it is an official crime to investigate the official story offered up by the US government (thank you patriot act II)

Okay I’m off to do other things for a bit. I’m all wiled up and need to calm down.

Horrifically bad day

2005-07-09T07:22:00.000-04:00

The last 2 days have been not the best of my life to say the least.

It started off with over an hour at a lab to get some blood work done. They wouldn’t let me go home until I pissed in a cup. Yet I had to fast for 8 hours (it ended up being about 10) and with nothing to eat or drink in that time I have no idea how they expect you to pee in a cup on demand.

I had the most incompetent lab tec ever. She stabbed me 3 times and dug around under my skin looking for blood, and said that I was being uncooperative because I wasn’t staying still. I have one bruise on my left arm that is about an inch long and ½ an inch wide. It took her 4 tries to draw blood.

Today was bad from the start however. I got my shortwave so I could listen to a program during the day without being glued to my computer, well guess what. I can’t get it clearly at all, of course the repeat that is on at 10 pm to 1 am I can get clearly. Damn it.

As I was waiting for the show to come on I was writing my thoughts down on the recent London bombing and needed to spell a word so I called my mom to ask. I was too lazy to look it up. I was then promptly accused of being a terrorist and working with al-CIAda.

The back splash got put in and it is about the only thing that went right.

So while I was listening to my show with one ear phone (my mic has only one earphone and despite saying they were supposed to be working my speakers weren’t) Steph came home, and from the moment she walked in the door she was nothing but negative, winy, and being annoying and rude.

About 3 hours after she came home I told her we had to put the vent for the stove back up before we go to bed. She decided to do it so I tried to get her to help. This is where the day just fell apart.

She couldn’t get the screws in so she said she would hold it while I was screwing them in. So I would line up the holes and ask her to hold it while I got a screw. Well every time I let go it dropped just enough that I couldn’t find a hole anymore. She literally started crying about it being so heavy and yelling in my ear to hurry up. I showed her how to hold it so it wouldn’t move and explained calmly that if she could hold it remotely still I could get the screw in and she could let go. Well after another 10 attempts or so on the second screw and with her wining and screaming in my ear to hurry up (and not paying attention to holding it still) I blew it.

I ripped the range vent off, kicked a few boxes, threw the screws and screw driver, and smashed my berky light. Maddingly one of the filters broke and it will be 4-6 weeks with no filtered water. I tossed my golf clubs and a few other things and cursed and said a bunch of stuff about how she has brought my standard of living down and told her to pack up and get out.

Just then the kitchen lady came to go through the kitchen and as I walked through the kitchen I saw flames coming out of the vent that was sitting on the stove top. Where Steph had been bending over one of the elements were on.

We were seriously inches away from a huge fire, but I managed to put it out. By the time I had done that the kitchen lady was gone, and my new cook top was ruined with baked on chemicals from the towel that was on the cook top to protect it.

She then cried and wined again about how she is stupid and it’s all her fault, I really am only about 90 % sure that she’s the one who accidentally turned on the element. After trying to clean the cooktop we tired to put the vent hood up again.

This time I held it, (like the plan was the first time) and she was to screw in the screws. Well it only slipped once when I held it, properly the way I had shown her before. She managed to get the two screws in and we couldn’t get the other 2 in without a power tool.

I couldn’t find my drill so dejected I went to lay down. Steph wouldn’t let me rest in peace. She was wining and asking me the same questions over and over again, and not listening to my answers which were, I don’t know I need time to think. Finally (and thankfully) she let me have a nap. I was so exhausted from getting 3 hours of crappy sleep and emotionally drained.

After about a 5 hour nap I got up and tried to call mom2some and she wasn’t home, dejected I went downstairs to find out Steph had bought me pop, hotdogs (not enough buns for them all) and was babysitting Helen’s kid.

It turned out that Helen was supposed to be here to pick up her son at 10 and at 12 she still wasn’t here, nor had she called to say she was late. Finally Steph called her, and Helens excuse was that her finance was to blame.

I fail to see how she couldn’t have called and said she was going to be late but that’s me.

Helen showed up to pick up her child about 12:45 am. She took her 6 month old home and said she would be back today to pay Steph. Steph said that Helen apologized over and over for not calling.

Steph agrees with me that she isn’t going to look after Helens baby again. Helen is just too irresponsible. Steph thinks that Helen has gone through many babysitters doing the same thing. Saying she’ll be home, and showing up hours later without calling or letting anyone know, not realizing how big of an inconvince it is to the person looking after him.

Steph went to bed and I decided to work on my family tree. While I was doing so the computer restarted itself and when I reloaded my family tree the file was totally corrupted and wouldn’t even open so I had lost all the work I had done, and all the work Steph had done.

I started to redo it from the information I have and it restarted again, and what I had just done was lost again.

The third time it worked fine and I have what I had before give or take a little bit, I still have hours of adding pictures and stuff that I had done just before I lost it all the first time. Steph was asleep so she doesn’t know yet.

Oh yea, I also got a shipment and one item was left out, of course being sure I had ordered it I went and checked my order and it wasn’t listed. I am still sure I ordered it as I have been for 4 months now regularly; however the shipping manifest had it left off, and it wasn’t in the package.

Other small things have gone wrong but I don’t want to dwell anymore right now. Back to redoing my family tree.

I’m a terrorist… WTF????

2005-07-09T06:29:00.000-04:00

So I was talking to my mom yesterday (I was already having a bad day at that point) and she actually accused me of being a terrorist because I smell, sense, and feel in my gut a cover up going on with the bombings in London. I was so insulted. She didn’t just call me any terrorist; she actually asked me if I was on Al-CIAda’s side. What the fuck is up with that? When I told her I was on the side that wanted to tell the truth she got even more worried. I’m willing to bet she’ll tell all my family and her friends that her son is a terrorist. She blabs things like that to people all the time. I really expect the police here any day to question me now. She once told me that if she ever suspected I was selling drugs or anything illegal she would turn me in without hesitation. So I’m a terrorist in my mothers eyes because I won’t accept something “official”.

92 % of the people in the US think that the government killed Kennedy. Yet my mom thinks I’m a nut for saying that; which makes me a nut along with some 200 million people out of about 300 million.

Who really bombed London

2005-07-08T12:44:00.000-04:00

My heart goes out to the Londoners who where bombed by
their own government

I hate to have to write yet another one of these articles
in which the few hours of a major terrorist event do not add up with what is put
out later.

George Orwell’s Ministry of Truth seems to no longer even
retract new stories and favours for just editing them in real time. A case in
point is what Associated Press did yesterday.

Associated Press reported that on an Israeli State
Television Station it was reported that Israeli Finance Minister Benjamin
Netanyahu was warned of the bombings before the first explosion. The Finance
Minster was supposed to be attending an economic conference that was to be held
just above one of the targets.

When the first bomb went off the Israeli Finance Minister
was comfortably in his hotel room, and not en route as he should have been, the
site of the first bombing.

Later AP didn’t retract that story but changed it in real
time to say that the Israeli Finance Minister was warned after the first
explosion.

There will be records that will come out about when the
Israeli Finance Minster cancelled his attendance at the event, and why he wasn’t
on his way to the conference. I’m sure someone somewhere has a copy of the
Israeli TV news article that states the Finance Minister was informed before the
first blast. But let’s forget about that for now.

According to the timeline the first blast went off at 8:49
am. At 9:40 am the police are issuing statements that it was a massive power
surge. It wasn’t until 10:21 am that any official word from the British
Government that it was bomb blasts and not a power surge.

So let’s just take the “official” story which has a giant
hole in it. Even if the Israeli Finance Minster was warned after the first bomb
blast, how come the two stories?

Why was an Israeli government official told it was a bomb
blast, the public and mass media told it was a power surge when at least someone
in the British Government knew it wasn’t?

At the time of writing this, the Israeli Government has
told its employees not to talk to the media about the London terror bombings.

That is very reminiscent of September 11^th 2001
when the FAA and other US Government Agencies warned the Joint Chiefs of Staff,
Salmond Rushdie, and Mayor Willie Brown not to fly on September 11^th;
or Attorney General John Ashcroft who switched a few months before to charter
flights instead of commercial fights as had been his method of travel for years.

Prime Minster Tony Blair was very quick to link this to an
unknown Al-Qaeda group that according to Prime Minister “clamed” responsibly for
the attacks. Thus ensuring that every mass media outlet would link this to

His sources were a web posting on the internet. First off,
I could post saying that the Easter Bunny, or Santa Clause was responsible for
the terrorist bombings. While sounding ludicrous, what makes it different than
someone posting saying it was Al-Qaeda. Without verification it’s all the
same. There is no proof a 12 year old practical joker, or a British Government
agent posted it.

Whom ever posted it claming to be Al-Qaeda wasn’t a member
of the organization and perhaps not even Islamic.

According to

MSNBC TV
translator Jacob Keryakes, who said that a copy of the message was later posted
on a secular Web site, noted that the claim of responsibility contained an error
in one of the Quranic verses it cited. That suggests that the claim may be
phoney, he said.

"This is not something al-Qaida would do," he said.

The web posting also does not contain any direct admittance
since the post refers to "the heroic mujahedeen"; as if it the post is written
in praise and not an admittance of responsibility.

I am sure that there is more holes in the official story
out there now, and there will be in the days and weeks to come.

However that doesn’t answer the question why? Why did this
happen?

My answer is as sad as the tragedy itself. Control of the
British people, and those around the world.

Currently the national ID card in England is at a 15 %
approval rating, the prime minister barely won an election; and did so only
thanks to a timely attack on the British embassy in New York, the war against
terror and Iraq are at all time lows, no one is paying attention to the Karl
Rove enditement, and all the lies and corruption soundings the war on terror,
the war in Iraq, and domestically.

The British Government announced very recently that they
were pulling out of both Afghanistan and Iraq, making any fundamentalist happy
and leaving no reason to attack London. The only reason to justify staying in
Afghanistan, Iraq, and increasing the war on terror would be a terrorist
attack. That way Tony Blair can point the finger and say “see I told you so,
you’re not safe, give up more of your liberty and freedoms, you must to accept
it to stay safe.”

I just have to ask where the 4.5 million closed circuit
cameras that are monitored 24 hours a day covering almost every square inch of
London were pointed on July 7.

How did they go unnoticed while planning a series of bombs
yet the same inept government that can’t uncover a plot to detonate 4 bombs can
arrest and detain people who are suspiciously taking pictures of landmarks.

I can assure you that just like September 11^th
and the rushing through of the Patriot Act, now the British Parliament will rush
though and pass emergency rest powers, make fully operational the “rest and
relaxation” centers that have been set up years ago (for just such an incident),
pass the national ID card, and use this as a pretext to invade Iran.

Links and resources:

Blasts
hit London Underground, buses

Explosions In London: Who Stands To Gain?

Attack On London: Blair Plays The Terror Card

Bus in London was DIVERTED, then picked up Tube survivors

Giuliani was in London when the bombs went off

London Bombing has the Scent of
an Inside Job

Report: Israel Was Warned Ahead of First Blast

The warning contradicts the fact that the original explanation of a power surge
went out for an hour or more.

'Secret Organisation - al-Qaeda in Europe'
Claims Responsibility For Attacks

Met Police Chief refers to attacks with words "ORDER OUT OF CHAOS"

Attack On London: Photo Page

Details of The UK Government's History of Bombing its Citizens